Somehow, deep in my heart, I know that these two probably at sometime ended up at the same birthday orgy. And, most likely, they probably had a sword fight. Happy Birthday Gary Busey and Robert Evans!! (Now keep it in your pants.)


One Thing I Think For a Fact: If some lucky actress ended up in Busey/Evans sandwich, Busey probably gave Evans a reach around. Probably.

Apples? Oranges?

First official trailer for Snakes on a Motherfucking Plane.

In an attempt to keep the feds off of his ass, our friend Jasper has moved Webvomit to yet another undisclosed secret location.

A.I.D.S. is still around, H5N1 the avian flu might create and epidemic, and scientists are furiously working to…make semen taste better. Well, shit, I’d go gay if you could make cum taste like apples.

Superman Returns is getting great reviews. I’m still skeptical, but I’ll rely on Armen for the final word.

Axl Rose is still alive?

Here's your tasty, semen filled pic of the day:

DAMN, THAT'S SMOOTH!



Yacht Rock is the new Crack!

WARNING: Yacht Rock is a highly addictive substance that may cause a chemical reaction with in. A change you may not have felt since puberty.

"Your grandfather was a nazi"

Fox is a terrible television network. Shut the fuck up, they totally are. They’ve cancelled a lot of good shows, two of which have since been brought back to life. Greg the Bunny and the Family Guy have been resurrected from the grave. And now you can add one more. Futurama returns this time on Comedy Central. (h/t to Seth.) So, I’m fully expecting the greater Fox company to cancel It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, right as people finally start to appreciate it. Then it can move somewhere else and actually be seen by people.





One Thing I Know for a Fact: Moustache stays right where it’s at.

GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS

So in talking with a Southern 'friend' (I use the term lightly) I began to wonder about the state of a 3rd Jason Bourne movie. Would this be the new X3? Thank God (meaning Sarah Silverman's sweet smooth ass) it would not. Paul Greengrass (director of the 2nd Bourne flick and Bloody Sunday) is a go as is Tony Gilroy (writer of all three flicks).

Now some of you may roll your eyes....FUCK YOU, your half-assed pet and your dead Grandma! You have never seen these flicks and have no knowledge of cinema!

Look, what makes these films great is the fact that big explosions and half assed one liners do not exist. The camera is pore-first into the actors making the action (and the acting) work. Don't think so? Enjoy watching a Matrix film fan boy and leave the reviews to us, the people who get laid outside of the virtual world.

Okay, okay. I've given this guy a little too much credit. Though he does make some interesting and risky choices, Matt Damon can also run straight into a fucking wall. Did he lap Jennifer Garner's snatch and taste some Affleck soy sauce? That's the only reason I can think he signed on to do this.

This will be a flick worth watching ONLY if Bob and Doug McKenzie provide the voices of his ill-fated balls.

MATT DAMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEW SUMMER SWIM SUITS ARE OUT!!!!!


Da Ali G show makes me laugh so hard, that there is always blood in my stool the next day.
I await Borat's arrival to the U.S. of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

OMG.

Brilliant.

I would watch that show. Forever.

Here's your fun old timey adverrtisement of the day:

One Thing I Know For a Fact:
Helen Keller died on this day in 1968. I wonder if she gave good handjobs?

GREAT. NOW I HAVE TO GET A GIRLFRIEND.


Thanks HBO. Now I have to hussle more tapes from my friends because of this.

That or I'll have to pork a tubby chick with tons of folding money so I can get REAL CABLE.

Anyway, if the critics are correct this show sucks. Thankfully, they are critics which means they totally don't get it. Some douche bag from People Weekly calls it "a David Mamet parody of Rosanne". That's a negative review? News flash Sperm Burp, that MAKES people want to see it (which of course you should)!!!! In all fairness, Lucky Louie is more like if Get A Life anal raped Married With Children and made it funny. You know funny like Michael Hutchence's death, not funny like that smell on your finger after you finger banged your Grandma's Bridge partner.

In my world Louie CK gets all that mad Sopranos money, makes three seasons of this show and quits to give the public (meaning me and my friends) the joy of a Pootie Tang trilogy. We deserve it, America!

Cappa Town, my Damies.

CRACK A WINDOW. .....CHRIST!!!!!


It was a hot one today kids. Then it started to rain making my block smell like crotch (not the tasty weekend kind either, salt o' the Earth crotch). That said let's stress the following:

You need to watch the final game of the Stanley Cup Playoffs tomorrow night, mo-fos. Edmonton is one step away from glory and you don't want to see an American team from NASCAR country winning do you?!!! Well do ya?!!!

I hear director Brett Ratner (cock master of shit like Family Man and X3: Who Told Halle Berry To Come Back) is looking to break into new territory. Yep, it's RUSH HOUR 3. For those of you Group Home escapees excited by this news let us be the first to show you a sneak peak.


Maybe just maybe some of Lindsay Lohan's lady juices will go down the wrong pipe as she's twisting on his self-promoting chaw hole, thus killing the hack mid-lapping. The only one crying will be Chris Tucker.

Oh and before I forget, give Dad a switch of his choice and bend it on over. It is HIS day after all. Do it, John Boy!!! Do you want Bing to have to take out his pipe? I didn't think so.



"Remember on Election Day, fist fuck a Commie and vote IKE!"

WHEN SENDING YOUR RESUME OUT TO INTERESTED PARTIES


Keep your head. Type something semi-witty but not too confusing to the brain dead masses (remember 'Friends' and 'Will & Grace' were on for fucking years), make sure you are eating a pulled pork sandwich and have this kicking through your hi-fi as you hit SEND.

It works. Trust me.

"Ain't it great how they want to be your friend right after they rip your guts out?"

Everyone knows Ali G is the man, and this makes me laugh everytime.

Holy Jeebus!

To my pot smoking friends: start shopping at Home Depot.

Allright, i'm a little link heavy today. I apologize. Sometimes you get stuck late doing the job you get paid for, sucking the life out of you, and for some reason masturbating to pics of Angelina Jolies new kid (FIRST!) doesn't refresh the creative thought process, ya know? Nah. It was Maddox. What? Anyhow. Where can this post go from here except up, right? Right.

Let's talk astrology and fate, shall we? Some say there is a God, some say there isn't. Some say if there is a God it has a plan. Which must be true. Why? How else can you explain Neil Patrick Harris (33) AND Jake Busey (35) sharing the same birthday? Chance? HA! Right! Like something this magnificent could happen by chance. Nay, it was fate. Just as it was fate that they'd star in a movie together. Sometimes the flying spaghetti monster works in mysterious ways. Anyhow, happy birthday boys, and thank you flying spaghetti monster.

Here's your pic for the day.



One Thing I Know For a Fact: Although I don't know if they celebrated their joint birthday together on the set of Starship Troopers, I bet that if they did Jake got the bigger piece of cake.

WHEN THE WORLD IS FULL OF SHIT.......


Why not call your audience out? Things you always wanted to say at a staff meeting but couldn't.

When you gotta go out...go out like a maniac (and steal as many paper clips on your way out the door).

"SO SAYS THE MONARCH!!!!!"




The most brilliant cartoon of all time is returning with new episodes to adultswim June 25th.

Be excited!

Fucking A. Chewbacca on drums.

Why don't you own the Gnarls Barkley album yet?

RETALIATION IS WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND



See for yourself.......

Cocksuckers.



And while you're peeing your pants waiting for Sunday nights 9PM premier of the final season, waste some time checking out some of the cool Deadwood shit you can buy. Buy I Am Kung-Fu something nice.

GEEK PRIDE DAY JUST GOT MOVED


From June 30th to June 27th. Also, for those of you who listen to Dane Cook, if you see someone wearing an S-Shield that week, please do NOT try to shoot them in the chest!


And for a little warm up, what looks to be a swell documentary coming to DVD June 20th, will air on A&E Monday. You might even find out why a guy would wear his underpants on the outside of his clothes?

My guess, it really enhances the package........go ahead, try it out for yourself!

Today is 6/6/2006. Some are making a big deal about 6/6/06. Find out how retarded it is.

And how cool:

Never ever tape yourself having sex.

Stephan Colbert gave a graduation speech. It included moats, fiery moats, and fiery moats with fireproof crocodiles. Genius.

I had this nightmare that Rob Zombie was going to do a prequel/re-make of the Halloween series. Good thing it was just a dream, or was it?

On June 16th 2006, Steven Seagal and his band “Thunderbox” will be playing the Soaring Eagle Casino in Mt. Pleasant, MI. When’s he coming to your town? He needs to do a tour with Corey Feldman, Bruce Willis and Screech.

1970’s toy commercials.



One Thing I Know For a Fact: On this day in 1951 the patent for the t-top was issued and Gordon M. Buehrig will forever be celebrated by men with mullets and ’78 Trans Ams everywhere.

YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!




Trailer #4


Trailer #5 , Made just for some dude named Seth???