Go carve a virtual pumpkin. Just as fun with only half the mess.

Happy Halloween!

REALLY? THE DIRECTOR OF NARC HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR?





If you haven't seen Narc it's an excellent film and you should. But not one to watch if your looking for the best that humanity has to offer. Now the Director's got himself an Affleck.

The trailer is promising. Let's hope they don't pull a Domino on us.


Also remember when you point a finger at someone, your point three back at yourself and a thumb at the sky!

I should be a detective.

check it out.
also, i'm a big fan of the flash in the TV screen. that's hilarious.

Norm MacDonald is pretty fantastic. In fact, I'd say he's Mr. Fantastic. He has a new CD out. It's cheap and it's good. Buy it.

One Thing I Know For a Fact: It was on this day in 1965 that the St. Louis Gateway Arch was complete. Rumor has it the arch gave Ronald McDonald penis envy for DECADES. On a dick joke i say Go Tigers! (even if you're playing in one of the most boring world series in forty years.)

FOX, LEAVE KENNY ROGERS ALONE ALREADY


So he had some shit on his hand for a little bit, so what? Chances are that's excatly what it was, shit. Do you know how well the TP is stocked where he's doing his business. I don't think you do. And so what anyways, he washed it off after his first song and freakin' rocked the house. Kenny if your out there don't let this get you down. Your still the greatest entertainer to grace the human race. With shit all over your body or not.

We love you gambler!!!!!

I'm tired of the internet slang and abbreviations. They're boring, and it's just a convient way to lie.

LOL - Laugh out loud. Yeah. I'm not that funny. You're not laughing out loud and furthermore you're now a cliche and boring. Stop lying to me.
ROFLMAO, PWND, ASL, BCNU, O RLY, FOAD, IMHO, IDGI
fuck u.
I want better slang, cuz that stuff is lame and boring. And I want your proposals for improvement.
How about:

IA - for I'm amused. Not laughing out loud funny, but amusing
SHIAC - so hot i already came, you know, for when you're looking at pictures of Lattejesus
IOAARC - I once ate a red candle: mocking response to how stupid you are
SIMMATMIB - shit in my mouth and tell me i'm bad - I'd use that ALL the time.

What are your suggestions?

APPLE'S FINAL SOLUTION

Hhhhhmmmmm... An apple product that causes viruses in PC's only....Mr. Jobs, POA's got your number dude. You've already conqured the portibale media player market. Disney, one of the worlds largest media company's is totally drinking your kool-aid. So now you turn back to your arch nemisis the Personal Computer in conquest of techno global domanince. Sure you've been scaring PC users with your TV ads claiming that Mac's are for hip people that get laid all the time where having a PC gets you a one way ticket to Givingyournerdselfahandjob City. Didn't work fast enough did it? Got a little greedy to fast? You just had to give the competition computer herpies!!!

Here's the deal, people will wise up to your shit. Want an example? Ok how about Metallica.

This is a picture from when everybody thought Metallica was super cool.

And this is a picture of sucky Metallica





Apple, your becoming sucky Metallica. Don't be sucky Metallica Apple. Nobody wants that.

Christmas is coming. Daddy needs Gob's SEGWAY. If I get this for Christmas I'll totally drop your name on PAO. I swear. And if everything I just wrote makes no sense, you and me, we can't share ABC gum cuz you ain't my friend no more.

LISTEN UP!


Okay I gotta get a rich Grey's Anatomy type chick. You know, the kind that is smart enough to be a doctor but dumb enough not to have the self esteem or knowledge of how to even bone Patrick Dempsey. Watch "Can't Buy Me Love" and learn you dumb skirt!

Wait, what was my point again????

Oh yeah, I need a rich girlfriend because as Netflix and generous friends with Digital Cable have shown me Network TV is dead, dead, dead.

Now with HBO cutting Deadwood and the Sopranos being a yawn fest for the last three seasons, Showtime finally has grown some Man Pants with Weeds (think Six Feet Under with jokes and less whining or sister fucking) and its newest addition, Dexter. It's about time someone makes a touching slice of life story about a Serial Killer. I mean this is America right?

Don't trust my rum filled opinion. See the quality for yourself here. The naughty words have been cut out of the streaming video but the scenes with hooker parts remain. Again, I love this country.

SHOWDOWN AT CREMATION CREEK PART 2



DAVID BOWIE VS. IGGY POP!


'NUFF SAID!

Star Wars fans celebrate:

Stephan Colbert green screen challenge. Click on "Green Screen Winner" first, then the "George Lucas pt. 1".

It's pretty much amazing. Trust me, it's worth it.

FUN WITH MOVIES



From Dusk Till Dawn was a fun little movie. Grindhouse ......well lets hope they don't ban it from our local theaters.

ACHTUNG!! ACHTUNG!!!

The Detroit Tigers no longer eat dick.

Jessica Alba agrees. She and Jasper are so excited about the championship series. Rumor has it he's trying to get tickets for the two.
Well played Jasper, well played...


Detroit leads the series 1-0.

Hey, remember that kick-ass long well thought out blog i was going to write? Turns out I'm lazy. So are you. So what?
And now, on with the show...

Remember in Goonies when the asian kid said "The octopus was very scary?" This deleted scene is what he was talking about. I'm really glad it's a deleted scene. (h/t to Cracked.) It should have never seen the light of youtube.

In things that should never see the light of day...the latest "Ghost Rider" trailer. The only good part in the whole trailer? Fat goth girl.

I was watching Adultswim this weekend on Cartoon Network. The newest installment of The Squidbillies was "Swayze-tastic". And that's not a good thing. That's fan-fucking-tastic. Can't seem to find it on the website though.

Having viewed every episode to date of "Grey's Anatomy" i can officially say there are so many better ways to waste my time. Stupid pretty people with stupid pretty people problems. I'm just too dang lazy to go downstairs to watch tv.

Tracy Morgan's coming back to TV tomorrow night with 30 Rock, featuring Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey. I have so much respect for Baldwin after the Clerks tv show. Well played, Clerks.

Stephan Colbert is a funny guy.

Keep it real, kids. And remember, if it feels good it's probably bad for you, so just don't tell anyone what you're doing. Because then you have to kill everyone you tell.
Have a good day!

SEEKING SPIRITUAL GUIDENCE?


Seek no further!

Want to hang out? Just let me teleport on over. That's right, yesterday some guys who are really smart announced that they figured out how to teleport things about half a meter. I'm really not kidding.
While it sounds a little too technical to be used on people yet, I'm thinking at least it's a start. Perhaps someday we could move beyond that awesome, high-tech world of internal combustion!! Seriously, how is it that we can teleport something, but are using 100 year old ideas to run cars? You're really telling me that there are no better ideas out there? Oh yeah, that's right. There are tons of alternatives out there. The are just not 'economically feasible.'

If you're in any way interested in the new Transformers movie:
click for all pics.

Bumblebee is sporting the derelict line from Zoolander...

IN EVEN SHITTIER NEWS


Coming straight from Joss's fingers...



Hi boys and odd, smooth, compellingly bumpy non-boys. I'm in Liverpool, on Alexis' lap... sorry, laptop, checking in and seeing all sorts of nonsense about a sequel to something. I did run into someone at Forbidden Planet, and he said something about that I ought to make more things, possibly art things, and I agreed. He didn't know the fellow I was with was Brian Hitch but it was 'cause I'm so, yeah, awesome. Yes, Warren and Natalie and Brian and I had dinner, after nattering on for SFX at the hotel (I like that mag) and it was blazingly fun. They're all three multitalented, urbane, and surprisingly sweet. I'm none of those things but I came the farthest so they had to be nice. BUT...There's no sequel, no secret project regarding Serenity or somesuch and I'm not even sure how anyone thought there was talk there. I've seen Nathan and Tim (and Summer and Alan) recently because they're my friends because I'm so, yeah, awesome. So let's put that to bed and smother it with a pillow.Fun fact: Didn't read the thread, but as for James playing Shinzon: that's the reason he left for darkest Africa at the end of season six. We were giving him the time off to do the film. When it didn't happen, the course was already set. But he got a nifty soul and that worked out okay.Oh, and I heard Marvel pushed back X-Men 18? I've delivered 19, and Johnny's working steadily, so blame the marketplace. In fact, overturn the marketplace, the way Jesus did when he was cranky about that thing that time.

Joss

Somebody explain to me how the company that bought the rights to make the film, that also owns the SCI-FI network didn't bother to think that Serenity/Firefly would have fit in perfect Friday nights with Battlestar Galactica????

For a time they were airing Firefly reruns before there shitty Stargate shows......What gives man!!! Give me that guys job already.

PLUG TIME

Okay as a bit of an update to the Hellboy: Sword of Storms animated movie, the man behind the project was kind enough to leave a website in the comments section that's got details of the whole production.

Thank you Mr. Stones, not only for the site and I'm sure the movies but, for also helping to prove that more than four people read this site. If you ever come to Dearborn, MI the Sunoco Tacos are on us.

Okay, this has been like a link dump for me for the past, probably, month or so. I haven't written anything longer than one hundred words, and my information has been suspect. I apologize. Maybe soon I'll dig deep and unearth a nugget or two from my bowels just for you.

1st take of Jackass 2: Everything you could ever hope for in a Jackass sequel, plus someone guzzles horse semen. Hilarious and disgusting.

1st take of Weird Al's new video: so, he remembered how to be funny. Finally. I bet this allowed krunk houston rapper chamillionaire laugh hard. (Yo, chamillioinaire, squash your beef with Mike Jones, or Paul Wall's gonna smile at you and you will go blind.)

That's all for now. More, eventually. I promise.

Blazin' Hazen.
I don't know if this is the greatest/worst thing I've ever seen.
Please, let me know...

YOUR OWN...PERSONAL...DEVOS

Guess whose gonna be fightn' on the picture box tanight. Donno bout you but I'm votin' with my peepers on thisn'. Thas right, I'ma votin' for the purdy one.....could care less bout all this yak bout creative DE-sign.

Ownly the sexiest one shall win. Round Uno tonight.

ODDS & ENDS


Yaaaaaaaaaay! Dig the two new tracks from Sparta coming to the D with Sound Team whose EP & LP are swell. Hope Sparta aren't as upitty at there counterparts the Mars Volta. Just cause your girlfriends band (whatstherenamesagain?) gets booed off stage doesn't mean you have to play a shit set. But heed Omar's words "You'll see how it is when (whatstherenamesagain?) are legends when your kids are listening to them and you can tell them how you missed out." Whatever dude....you were better as At the Drive In anyway.

In nerd news they've launched a site for the new Hellboy animated flick that will air at the end of the month on Cartoonetwork. Fingers crossed kids, they got all the voices from the movie in and Mignola's stamp on it. Guess if it's on a kids network and "Hell" is in the title it may not be to dumbed down, right?? On that same subject maybe if were good he'll fight a giant robot monkey demon......

Finally, if you happen to ever be in the Dearborn area on Ford road and have a craving for Mexican food. Stop when you see this signYeah, I know "that's a gas station wtf you are high?" But seriously have an open mind there food is way better than Toca Bell (better prices to) and has any type of Mexican chow you want.
You can even watch Telomundo while having your nachos. It's been a good three hours since being there and no need for pepto or 911.

Good times!