ARRRRGGGGGHHHH! REVIEW o' THE DEAD MAN's CHEST

I'm going to try to make this minimal and post modern.

The Good:
Keira Knightley....wet in the first five minutes (Thank you baby Jesus).
Johnny Depp shooting at a monkey and pretty much running away from everyone.
Flesh eating natives.

The Bad:
A villian who is underwritten and undefined.
Too much Orlando Bloom, not enough Captain Jack.
Way too much story, none of it all that interesting.

The Ugly:
A giant squid that near the end has the worse Special Effects since 1983 (rear projection, really? what is this Superman III?).
A cliffhanger ending.
The fat women sitting next to me at the theater (if lifting popcorn makes you breathe that heavy, eat a salad Hose-Beast).

In fact when nearing the end think this one thing: The Han Solo moment. It might help you get over the cheated feeling half the theater had when I went. Also don't stay for the credits unless you think dogs are awesome. Listen to me on this, why not talk to a girl or shop lift. You'll be better off.

Part Three will be the true test. If you fuck up Chow Yun Fat as a pirate, you don't deserve to do the coke off your Development girl's snatch.