Orthomyxoviridae Family (google it, motherfucker)

So, Christmas is coming up, and to all the parents out there who continually hop onto the creepiest trends, I present to you Knows Your Name Elmo. No fucking shit. It comes with a USB cable and a CD ROM so you can load your child’s personal info into A DOLL. I predict this will lower the age of suicide dramatically.

Does this make me a lesbian? Or does it just mean the majority of lesbians and I have great taste. So to speak.

I have a great idea. I should develop a way to make a cake that looks like a cat litter box filled with cat shit. It's been done? Goddamnit!

Guys, are you feeling lonely. Like you’re life is meaningless. Do you feel as though everyday is another day wasted? Is there something just MISSING in life? I give you the key to happiness. Or herpes.

Ladies. Do you wake up every morning knowing you deserve better in life? Do you look in the mirror and think to yourself “I am hot fire. I am the shit. I deserve a life beyond what I’ve created so far.” I give you the key to happiness. And you can thank me by hiring me to clean your pool (a winks as good as a nod to a blind whore).

ummmmmmmm...


Looks like the bird flu just jumped species.

But he's still so CUTE!!

Happy surfing!