Chapter 1 - Once Again, Brave Warrior, Forth Into the Breach

Excellent.  My well-known love of The Colbert Report has been smeared across these pages like a monkey with a handful of feces since the inception of PAO.  So, why stop now?  If you’re familiar with Stephan Colbert’s show, he often refers to his 1,188 page unpublished (and obviously fictitious) Sci-Fi book “Stephen Colbert’s Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure”.  Now, in what may be either sheer brilliance or absolute sucktitude, “Stephen Colbert’s Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure” is going to be made into a series of comic books!!!!  YAAAY!!  Thank you Oni Press!!

A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! Okay.  Here’s what happens when mainstream news organizations just put their toe into the water of a world they don’t understand.  Heavy Metal.  Background info/Official Disclosure:  I once ran a heavy metal radio program that was on the air 16 hours a week in mid-Michigan.  I have interviewed one of the people mentioned in the article.  I have him, on tape, telling me that society would be better off if we just took it back to the Indians and just lived as communities.  And he was SERIOUS.  He was baked out of his mind (which was the first thing he told me when he called up) and he spoke at length about the benefits of shunning modern culture and society and going back to being hunter/gatherers.  True, he says nothing actually crazy in this article, but at the same time I wouldn’t take a goddamn word he says seriously.  If you want a truly politically awesome album that everyone will love, I can’t recommend a better one than THIS.  (I kid, I kid.  Run out and grab Clutch – Blast Tyrant.  Even if it doesn’t make any sense, it sounds AWESOME.)

“I Wanna Love You Tender”, great music video, or greatest music video ever?

Napoleon Dynamite + Bad Santa + David Cross = School for Scoundrels.  OH the potential humanity!

For your viewing pleasure: the famous “Brad Pitt gets kidnapped” segment on Jackass.  And it’s sequel – Brad Pitt dressed up as a monkey.