BLOW JOBS CAN BE BORING:
Flick Reviews, 'THE HOUSE OF D' & 'THE BROWN BUNNY'

So the 'headliners' of this site came over to my place to review my performance. To translate this means I got them shit-faced and they picked the flicks to watch as they rubbed their 'inner parts' all over my furniture.

THE HOUSE OF D

I'm saying it. THE X-FILES SUCKED!!!!!! BOR-FUCKING-RING!!!!!! Even the Bruce Campbell episode had me asleep halfway through and I watch Canadian TV!!!!! Attention David Duchovny: your career is over; eat the .45 now for you sir are a hack. Kudos for conning some num-nutted studio ass-prod into green lighting this flick though. Oh by the way, that sound you hear is the final nail being driven into your career's coffin.

This film was picked for the love of bad movies that attempt to 'understand' the retarded. How bad is it????? Horrible. How funny does that make it? Better than any 'Scary Movie' flick for sure. Add in narration that is as ham-handed as an after-school special and PRESTO! Instant crap classic.

THE BROWN BUNNY

Thankfully there was NOT much in the way of dialogue. In fact NOTHING really happened. Mr. Vincent Gallo is an ugly fuck and I have to give him credit for at least being able to score more strange than me (and on film no less) but on the other hand I hope his cock eats his ego then sets him on fire as a tribute to 'The Burning Bed'.

I can't really review this movie aside from saying Chloe Sevigny is lucky to be even 12 inches away from Bill Paxton's cock. Seriously, the blow job scene was so boring I thought it was a replay of my last batch of girlfriends. Vincent Gallo I say this, CRABS are too good for you.

Well it looks like this glass beside me still has some booze. An artist's work is never done.

Hi Ho Faggots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

* Bulliet Bourbon Whiskey is not a willing sponsor of this post but is happy the writer used our product to help produce such a stain on humanity. Drink up America!!!!!