MOVIE REVIEW(s): HOSTEL & BRICK

You know what I love about buzz? Its all talk and NO action. Like a co-ed just trying to get you to throw some money her way at the bar. You envision hot sex while "rockin' it" on your best Captain Power sheets to find the only thing that has found relief was all the green stuff in your wallet. Yeah 'Hostel' is kinda like that. I was promised a horror movie where horny frat boys get a taste of Eastern European torture. What did I get? 10 minutes of disturbing, 40 minutes of 'Porky's Goes International', 15 minutes of escape movie, 20 minutes of 'tension' and a really dull 5 minutes o' revenge. Fake boobs are boring after seeing about 15 pairs of them. A guy getting his throat cut by his own Dave Matthews CD? Fucking comic gold, padre!!!

Now 'Brick' is a film that takes a high end concept (in this case High School angst meets 40's film noir) follows through on it and even swallows!!!!! If you have seen flicks like 'Double Indemnity', 'The Maltese Falcon' or even the classic gangster update 'Millers Crossing' you know the stock characters. The change of setting does well for the genre so even if you see where the trip is going, its still a great ride. Plus the protagonist kicks some ass in creative ways that would do Sam Spade and my favorite boozer Jim Rockford proud (Magnum was a fag).

That's all that's fit to print. Tell your Dad thanks for Rib Eye Steak and the Hummer. That hits the spot after watching the 'While You Were Out' marathon on HGTV.