TOP NINE PICKS FOR 2005 FLICKS

Here's a list of films I paid good american dollars to see in a theater and didn't walk out saying
"Money and time I'll never get back unless I get my John Deer time machine to work again"

9. Pride and Prejudice - I know what your thinking, I'll never visit this site again! This dude is a total wienner. It's on the list cause I went in expecting to be in complete misery the whole time. There was never a doubt that I'd have nothing but full on hate for this picture and ended up discovering it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. One major help, the Cinematography was excellent and Keira Knightly is pretty hot (and Donald Sutherland, get some).

8. Syriana - The best comment overheard after seeing this film "Rember next time your filling up your gas tank that some fucked up shit happend to get it there" It's got a pretty brutal torture sequence that a fat George Clooney pulls off well and MATT DAMON!

7. The 40 Year Old Virgin - It's rare to see a movie in the theater that's intended to make you laugh out loud cause it's funny. Unlike a film that makes you laugh out loud cause it sucks (see: Unleashed, the Other Sister). The last time I blew a nut like that was Napoleon Dynamite. "You know how I know your gay.....You listen to Coldplay."

6. The Constant Gardener - Rachel Weiz and Ralph Finnes are pretty darn good in this one, the outcome isn't what I expected from a political thriller type film but It played out very nicely. So far Fernando Meirelles (City of God) is 2 for 2.

5. Sin City - This is the most literal comic to film transition that's been done. Gotta pick up the extended cut to see if the parts that I know were missing were put back in. Hey, if it's got Mickey Rourke as Marv how can you go wrong? Jessica Alba is lame but you already knew that. Other than her less than FANTASTIC performance it's an excellent adaption of old crazy Frank Miller's classic comics.

4. A HIstory of Violence - Nothing at all like the graphic novel except for the premise but hey it worked well. Vigo does an excellent job as a family man who serves pie just as easily as he could shoot your pecker off. Ed Harris and Maria Bello also do a fine job. Special guest star apperance by William Hurt "how do you fuck that up????" Just awsome.

3. King Kong - Ok, so Kong doesn't throw his poo, he doesn't masturbate or talk like Garey Busy but, there's still some pretty amazing shit in this film. For me the fight with the T-Rex, holy shit that's some badassery right there. Yeah, it's three hours long but you don't feel it and you may even cry when Kong get's his legs cut off by obi wan......oh wait, sorry I'm getting into the years worst list. Naomi Watt is also bad ass in this pic to.

2. Serenity - Finally! even though it didn't do great at the BO some closure for fans of FIrely. Do yourself a favor, get the box set of Firefly and see Serenity right after. You will not be disappointed. It's a sci-fi series that gets it right unlike George Lucas. Perhaps some how a sequel or new tv series will come of this despite you lame suckasses who haven't seen it yet.

1. Batman Begins - Old pointy ears finally gets the movie he deserves "but Armen, Tim Burton's Batman was Sweet!" No, it's garbage, when's the last time you saw it? What did you learn about Bruce Wayne or Batman for that matter that interested you? Squat! Until this film. The cast is perfect (except Ms. Scientology) and they nail Bruce Wayne and Batman as a charcter whose a little messed up from his parents death. Not to mention when Batman shows up you could see why criminals would shit themselves. Also the Batmobile is the coolest fucking car in film history. It's a tank with a rocket on it. This film is just plain TITS!

Here's some of my picks for 06, read all about them here.


The Fountain, Zodiac, Pan's Labyrinth, Black Snake Moan, and Superman Returns.