...And Then They All Explode

If you see a large gaggle of nerds trying to sell you useless crap while sporting raging hard-ons, an Unrestored copy of Action Comics Number 1 going up for auction may be why. And if you're wondering who would pay $400k for a comic book, remember, while you were getting drunk at frat parties and date raping like there was no tomorrow, these people were figuring out ways to make a shit ton of cash.

Old-ish but still gross. Jasper has the best take on Octo-mom offered $1million for porn.

In political news: This guy is a great dancer.


(h/t to cityrag.)
In related news, Jamie Foxx makes good music videos. Samuel L. Jackson, Ron Howard and Jake Gyllenhaal? Fuck YES.

Have a good weekend, kids. Don't get busted with a DUI. I wanna see your pretty faces around here next week.

Cliche, thy name is I Am Kung-Fu

Cheers. See you later.

Dear Airplanes.


Please stop falling out of the sky. I'm heading out to visit Nubbenstein in Vegas next week. He will be very sad if I fall out of the sky. Not because he likes me. But i buy the hookers when i visit. Also. The hookers will probably also be sad. Mostly their wallets.

Stop freaking me out.

Sincerely,

IAKF

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I try not to get TOO politicky on here. That's not what this is all for. And although I'd much rather write in depth about the sexual predilections of various politicians, i kinda feel like i have some stuff that needs to be said.

There's a HUGE jobs bill going through congress right now. It's very simple. You build and fix roads and bridges throughout the nation. And by doing that you employ the people that do the work, the steel mills that churn out the steel, the timber yards that make the wood, the cement, etc. Which will lead to direct job creation. And more people who need jobs will have money to spend. Because they'll have jobs. They buy the stuff that's sitting on the shelf. The people that make that stuff go back to work to re-fill the shelves. It's pretty easy.

But some people are all fucked up. "We need more tax cuts!". I think they treat us like pavlov's dog. We hear tax cuts and we think "Me getting more money back? Good!" Here's the thing, friend-o. When they say tax cuts THEY'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU. They're not. Unless this is your lifestyle:


If all that looks like your life, then yes, yes they're talking about YOU. If you don't have a boat, a pile of cash, and a ton of rich white people you hang out with and consider your peers, THEY'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU. The taxes they're talking about cutting go to interest rich people make on their stock options, and to corporations and businesses. And there's talk of reducing the size of this bill. The smaller the bill, the less people get hired, the less people have money to buy the products sitting on shelves and in car lots. The worse this thing gets.

So. Follow me. A HUGE jobs bill is a good thing. Tax cuts for assholes are a bad thing. For once, just support your own self interest and stop believing the bull shit coming out of politicians mouths. They lie for a living.

Do you recognize that there is a difference between one dollar and one cent?

So. If you have Verizon. You might want to take a closer look at your cell phone bill. I think my favorite part is the deep sigh when he gets put on hold.

Really, Internets? Really?

The internut exploded yesterday. Because Christian Bale said bad words. Really. A movie actor acting like a pretentious, self indulgent asshole? Shocking. I'm not posting the link. Or the picture of Bale covered in blood from American Psycho. It's not that big of a deal. If you followed me around my real job with a camera, you'd find offensive stuff pretty much every day, several times a day. And although i've never melted down like that, i certainly have felt that way before. Plus, some chicks love that shit. Who's to say he didn't release it just to bang more ass? You know what? I liked the internet better the day before. When they were posting Miley Cyrus side boob. And not because i like Miley Cyrus, but because she's so CLEARLY underage, and no one thought twice about putting those pictures up. THAT'S entertainment.

UPDATE: Jasper found at least TWO good things to come from the Balesplosion. Click the link. This is worth it. It's fucking genius. UPDATED LINK. With more Bale goodness.

This was over at Dlisted. BTW. Yes, these are U.S. servicemen. That's what makes this fabulous.


And now for what you really come here for. Movie reviews that are at least six months late. Oh boy!

War, Inc.


John Cusak is a hitman! His sister is his secretary! Dan Aykroyd is a slimy dude! Grosse Pointe Blank pt. 2 right? With Ben Kingsley and Marissa Tomei! No. Here's the thing. It's supposed to be funny. But it's not. I felt bad for Hillary Duff, because she had no idea what she was getting into. I'm sure she saw all those names and was like "sweet. indie film credit!". No. Terrible. It's bad. And it doesn't even have Marissa Tomei having rough sex with Phillip Seymour Hoffman to make it kinda tolerable.
This warmed over shit-fest of a film proves that both Republicans and Democrats make terrible "spoof films".

Bad. Fail. Snausages.