Edit: I'm tired of this damn thing loading every time I check the page. If you want to see the trailer for 'The Golden Compass' just go here.


Giant polar bears eating your face. That alone would be enough to get me excited about this movie. But if you need more, how about this: It's got Nicole Kidman as an evil, child-stealing debutant. Daniel Craig as a snotty heretic. It's the first in a series of three excellent children's novels. It is strongly anti-christian (think of it as the anti-narnia). And who voices the leader of the evil polar bears? Why none other than Mr. Cocksucker himself, Ian McShane!

There is something in those British children's book writers that don't shy away from violence, controversial topics, and polar bears fighting to the death in massive armies. I don't know what it is. But it's cool.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!

No Grimlock, No Show.

I've got the inside tip on the upcoming Transformers the Movie, y'all!! Yep, I was IM'ing with a cat who assured me he was indeed the real Michael Bay. Let me clue you in on some details from the upcoming movie!!!

1. Bumble Bee started out as a VW Beetle, but Xzibit, GAS and Pimp My Ride hooked him up and upgraded him into the 2008 Chevy Camaro that you'll see in the movie.

2. Star Scream will be played by Liza Minelli channeling Vincent Price.

3. The inspiration for Megatron's face comes from a horrendous case of gonorrhea that Michael Bay STILL suffers from.

4. Soundwave is made by Apple and therefore although he can record sound, due to the Apple specific DRM he will be unable to email the file to Megatron or anyone else, and whomever needs to hear whatever will have to be in the room with Soundwave.

5. Interestingly enough Optimus Prime 's flame decals are actually tattoo's he got one drunken night after he and Hot Rod (nee Rodimus Prime) danced the night away at Menjo's gay bar in Detroit. (THAT'S why they spent so much time here in the D).

6. Although Ironhide and Ratchet used to be essentially the same robot with different color schemes, they are now the Odd Couple and Michael Bay is using old takes of Jack Lemmon and Walter Matheau dialog and having Ralph Macchio and Danny DeVito re-read the lines. (Brilliant move, I say!)

7. Arcee? Tranny. Look closely, and you'll totally tell. Plus, in one scene s/he's shaving. His nutsack.

8. And finally, if they couldn't get Peter Cullen to do the voice of Optimus Prime, Burt Reyolds was Michael Bay's second choice.

Thanks for the insight Michael Bay!!!!

Here's my thing. If you really want to pay more than $2 to see this movie, or you don't want to wait for it to hit the internutz, and you HAVE to see it opening day, i say if you don't see a T-Rex Dinobot referring to himself as "Me" in every other sentence within the first ten minutes, i say walk out. It's just not going to be worth it.

HELL YES!!!!!!!


3:10 to Yuma

Movie Review: Fantastic Four: Rise of my Silver Boner


Last night I received two free passes to see the new Fantastic Four movie. Two points before digging into the meat and potatoes of the review.

1) The FF are by far the worst creation in comic history and only work when

a) They are being ridiculed (see the Venture Brothers)
b) They are being ripped off (see the Incredibles or don't...meh)

2) The first film was viewed by myself, Lattejesus, Iamkungfu, and burnsho a few weeks ago......while drunk. All that I remember from that was hearing a lot of "What's going on?", "Flame on?" and "how you doing? your glass empty, time for another" Yep, whiskey and ridicule helped move that one along.

Enter the Star Theater Southfield last night. Getting out of the car it was clear there were many people taking there children to this. Good, there crying will drown out our laughter. So through the doors only to see a small line formed. Latte and I begin discussing if we still want to do this and decided it's probably the comedy hit of the summer we've been waiting for. Ten minutes pass when a large theater worker comes up and quietly says "theaters full sorry everyone" Quickly all of the smiling faces turn to frowns the line becomes angry....

"What there's like 30 minutes till it starts, that's bullshit!!"

Of course, with these things we all know it's first come first serve which the usher tells everyone but the crowd is having none of that. Latte and I begin laughing at the situation and leave as we watch the crowd circle around the usher like a vulture on a dead rat corpse. It was later discovered by the kind fellow who gave us the pass that he was there around six when there was no line, went to grab a sub and came back to hear it was full. He knew that was bullshit and went to the front desk.

Guy:"How can it be full I've been here since six?"
Theater Hack: " uhh well ya see we actually didn't get a print of the film"
Guy:"What? Why didn't you just tell everyone that?"
Theater Hack: Some bullshit about worrying that people will bitch to the distributor blah blah blah....
Guy: " Well if your not going to tell them I will"
Theater Hack: " No please don't....just go sneak into any movie you want"

So, in short not only did the second FF movie suck but once again the Star Theater in Southfield proved once again why it's the worst theater that Michigan has to offer.

With that it was off to Captain Georges for ice cream which is an entire review itself.

Since it's Friday I thought I'd stop talking about Dinosaurs and science and instead give you all a brief history lesson about our first, and baddest, president.

That's right, George Washington was more man than you and I put togeather.

Will Ferrell accepts a Spike TV award, announces he's the greatest and thanks his life partner Dolph Lundgren. Pretty much the best acceptance speech ever. (h/t to Gorilla Mask)

This is going to suck.

This is one of my favorite books of all time. If you have never read it, please do yourself a favor and pick it up. It is "I Am Legend." by Richard Matheson. He is a damn good writer. He wrote a lot of the first two seasons of the original Twilight Zone series, and also wrote the book 'Hell House' (among many other books). I'm man enough to admit that despite reading it a few times, "Hell House" still scares the shit out of me when I read it today.

Seriously, Will Smith, please stop starring in ass-rapes of excellent classics. This and "I, Robot?" I don't care how much boxing you learned from "Ali" (which, by the way, also ate a plateful of rhino ass) I'm still going to kick your ass for this.

To good to be true

Seriously, I've got a ton of ideas just like this, float me the money hollywood!! You won't be disappointed.

Shark Attack 3 - That Famous Line

Brilliant.

A friend of PAO passed this along to me last night. Check out the website, check out the webisodes, they are HILARIOUS. I promise you.

clipped from: www.clarkandmichael.com

6.04.07 Shhh-h-H-h-h, I have things to say Hi guys. It's Friday, and I decided to write a Friday-blog. (Frog?) You may be aware of this already, but if you are not aware of this and are a fan of "Clark and Michael" and have a Facebook account, there is a group on Facebook that's been made specifically for Clark And Michael. The group was generously and benevolently created by a lady named Sara Armstrong, an angel with wings and feathers. Like a bird but fancier. Thank you Sara! And if you aren't Sara, join the group! We've been waiting for you. It's a fun thing to be a part of! To reiterate what Clark said, I can't tell you how nice it is to hear you guys say the episodes are too short. There was a time where I feared we would be forced to make them about half as long as they ended up being. So thank you, you've restored all of our faith in the lovely people of the internet. I knew you guys could handle a ten-minute episodic. Also, I believe episode 2 was our shortest episode. The rest I'd say are a little closer to 10 minutes, that being the approximate mark we tried to hit while editing these. As for what makes Clark and Michael tick? Clark and Michael are two very different boys with two very different digestive systems. Clark loves frames, while I love parasurfing. Clark has hobbies, while I am a Gemini. Clark has a MicroKorg, while I love people of all races. Clark dances, I cry (however, the two never happen concurrently.) I'll finish by saying, if you guys like the song at the end of the show you should purchase a boatload of "British Sea Power" albums. The song at the end of the show is called "Blackout" by them, they're a great English band. I miss you all every time you leave the website. Please stick around more? And bring some of your friends next time, we made extra episodes just for them. There's enough for everyone! Humorlessly, - Mike

---

LOLOMG!!!!
seriously, they are COMPLETELY out of ideas.
ps: go see Knocked Up. It's fricken' hilarious.

Thundercats Headed for the Big Screen

Source: Variety

June 6, 2007

Warner Bros. has optioned a Thundercats script by new screenwriter Paul Sopocy to turn the popular 1980s animated series and toy line into a live action feature.

Variety says Warner-based Paula Weinstein will produce through her Spring Creek Productions, along with Dick Robertson and Lew Korman.

Thundercats revolves around a group of humanoid cats (with feline names like Lion-O, Tygra, Panthro and Cheetara) who must flee their planet of Thundera after it's destroyed. Once crash-landing on another planet, Third Earth, they must thwart Mumm-Ra, an evil sorcerer, bent on killing them off.

Sopocy has written the script as an origin story expanding on the major heroes and villains from the animated series, with the plot focusing on Lion-O coming of age as the leader of the Thundercats.

Source

Old Greg's Mangina



Watch the whole thing, the song at the end...genius.