DADDY MAKE IT STOP



Yes there was much pee in your pants excitment when first hearing of a Preacher HBO series. Probably the only place that could do it justice. Just look at Deadwood, the Sopranos and the one show featuring Bill Paxton's ass. How could the Preacher community loose????

Here's how.


Yeah, give it to the guy that did Daredevil and the sure to be a hit Ghost Rider.

Sigh........

Well at least we'll always have Beverly Hills Cop IV.



Now that the whining is out of the way, wanna know how I almost cheated on my wife????
Here's a picture of the other woman.......

Not sure if you can call it cheating since it's an inanimate object but, seriously you geeks, wouldn't you be tempted to fuck this???? Especially after having to hit five diffrent stores to find a copy (thanks worst buy in Southfield MI, you finally done one right). For those not in the know this is the 14 disc Ultimate Superman DVD box set. Containing all the movies (including Superman Returns). Tons of deleted scenes, documentaries and such. Plus the Richard Donner cut of Superman II!!!!!! Plenty of us nerds have been waiting to see this cut for years. Yes the theatrical cut of Superman II was good, but not as good as the first film. Why, cause the producers fired Doner with 75% of II in the can and brought in some hack that totally mucked up what could have been an equally great film as the first. Finally, the version of Superman II we've all been dying to see is here. And let me tell you after watching the Doner cut my joy turned to frustration fast. Not because the Donner cut was bad, considering what they had to work with it's fucking fantastic. No what pissed me to the moon was realising that what could have been a great series of films was destroyed by the two Salkind boobs. Instead we got a decent Superman II and Superman III staring Richard Pryor????(Just kidding, Superman III was the cats ass! Don't even get me started on how wonderous IV is).

What is interesting though is after watching the Donner cut it could lead pretty well into Superman Returns. In the end it seems we did get a good Superman III. Then again what's sexier than a Nuclearman???

You pick the better Stone Temple Pilot offshoot:

DON'T FUCK WITH TEXAS TODAY!

No, I'm serious. They'll kill you today. Just ask this guy.....

Got the point? Good. Nothing sucks more than your wife trying to put your head back together. That's just awkward for everyone involved.

Remember to give thanks tomorrow. Also fuck over an Indian and steal some land. Its all good, God told you to do it.

And please, please, please try my new Holiday recipe.

Enjoy!

Thankfully Wal-Mart still hates gays!

Whew! That's a relief. For a second I though maybe the giant retail monster of the end times might be trying to change and not be so, I don't know, evil.

Obviously, paying 85K to a few gay and lesbian groups when you make 70 kabillion dollars (an actual accurate value) is the same as saying I support homeless drug users when I give crackhead Craig 43 cents.

On another note, who the hell are these idiots who think that a boycott will do anything? I'm pretty sure that when you have thousands of stores all over the world a small subset of people not shopping at your stores TWO days out of the year will really fuck up sales.

Also, while this dosen't really need to be said, go get a life American Family Association. Wal-Mart is one of the worst companies in the world, so you want to boycott them because they support gay rights? Nothing there makes sense. This means you're in favor of them paying women less, ruining small businesses, smashing unions, encouraging sweat-shops, and fucking up the global economy, but the instant they try to do one decent thing for gays you go apeshit? I'm not sure what this Jesus guy was about, but I'm pretty sure he would not be okay with most of Wal-marts business practices. But really, he probably would care since he lived 2000 years ago and would know what the hell a supermarket was.

I FREAKIN' HATE JAMES BOND

For some reason I could never get into 007. Believe me I've tried but each time bordem and sleep usually end up besting JB. Not once have I gone from start to finish on a Bond film. Yet the formula has been pounded into my brain thanks to pop culture.

Take one part physically fit arrogant asshole
add half a bag of over the top gadgets and cars
mix with two chicks named after their reproductive organs
Then top with deformed villian who compensates by trying to destroy the earth

Fuck that! And that's coming from a guy who reads books with pictures of people in spandex, more or less doing the same thing. You'd think this shit would fit perfectly between the Lone Ranger and Batman??? Believe me I've sat through some of the shittiest of shit movies. Movies so bad when others want to turn it off my response is "let's man up and finish what we started here." As most of you know horrible movies are rented and watched on many ocassion and it's considered fun!!! But mention James Bond and narcolepsy sets in.

Yet how is it that I found myself at the back of a long ass line for a sold out theater on opening night for a........James Bond movie????????? Even more odd it, was fucking fantastic!!!! Casino Royal is one of the coolest action/spy movies. It's like if Batman Begins and the Bourne Identity met at Shot's Tavern, got loaded on cheap massive amounts of well made drinks. Stumbled back to the batcave and made sweet, sweet love. Then they come to find out that the Bourne franchise is pregnant. But instead of getting out the wire hanger they decided to keep the baby and call it James Bond. Now is where the reviewer is supposed to dance around and not give anything away while describing what they felt was "the most fun I've had at the movies since (insert Spielbergh movie title here)." So here we go....

Casino Royale was a really good movie. If you like really good movies you should see Casino Royale. If you've always hated James Bond and want to see a really good movie you should see Casino Royale. If you hate really good movies don't see Casion Royale.

For more info on this film see the internet.

Now, not a lot excites me in the way of movies. When I hear about a movie being made, my first thought is "Is Scarlett Johansson's ass in this movie?" and if the answer is no, then why should I care? A lot of movies come with a lot of hype behind them. That's how it works, that's what they're supposed to do. A lot of time and especially money is spent trying to figure out how to get your butt into that theater seat. After seeing enough "Jurassic Park"s and "Mission Impossible 2's" you learn not to believe the hype.
Believe this hype.

DARKON WILL BE THE GREATEST MOVIE YOU EVER SEE.

It's bound to be epic like "Braveheart", and touching like "Red Dawn". Mind bending like "Memento", yet poignant, topical and funny like "Predator".

Where Darkon goes, no one dares follow. Behold.
(thanks to N. Hags for pointing the way)

As you get older sometimes you realize you've been going to the same places over and over again. The same bar that was cool and fun when you were younger ages with you. It becomes stale, the atmosphere loses all sense of fun and people stare despondently into their beers, and play music that hasn't been popular in over ten years. Matter of fact you vaguely recall there being a "Greatest Hits of the..." compilation that contained at least a few of those songs recently advertised on late night TV.
It's at times like these, when you become aware of yourself, your surroundings and your the habits that bring you to the same place when something happens to make you re-evaluate your life and your surroundings. Like, say your mom wanders into your bar, your local haunt, just looking for a beer. And that's when it hits you.
The scene is dead. The scene has been dead for years. You knew, in the back of your mind you knew. Something had smelled rotten for awhile, but you liked the atmosphere and the people, and something in you said that it'll pick up and become hip again. That hope dies the day your mother walks into that bar.
That bar? The blogosphere. That mom? Mine. My 53 year old insurance underwriter mother has a blog. Sure, it's about insurance. But the fact is, my mother has a BLOG. Think about that one all of you 14 year old kids writing about how depressing life is, and who's a poser, and who has cool hair. My MOM has a blog, which means everything you do is stale and old. Complain all you want, but all you're doing is the same thing my MOTHER does. Blogging. She's trying to create a community of insurance bloggers. A community! I don't have a community. We just have this loose association of friends who live in the same general area (except nub) who share similar intrests and post blogs about said topics! But my mother is trying to create a whole damned blog community!
Weird.
My first instinct was to logoff forver, go out into the woods with a knife, build a lean to and "get off the grid" so to speak. But lets face it, I'm self centered and I like seeing my name and words where other people can see them. So, I guess the lean to idea is out, unless i can build one by a free wi-fi hot spot. Then maybe.
So, what's the next blog? Where do we go now that even my mom's a blogger? I'm guessing by asking the question, no one will give me the answer because i'm far too old to be let into the club. Fine, keep your club. I'll just hang out here. With my mom. In this bar that is the series of tubes which we call the internets.

HEY, HOLLYWOOD!!!!


How about giving me 60 million bucks to make a movie to? Or do you need to have a PHD like Uwe Boll to loose money for you? If the title isn't doing it for you
"In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale".

Then See the trailer that makes Van Damme's next flick look like a Kubrick masterpiece. I'm still trying to figure out how they got Jason Statham to do a film without a black suit and two glocks??? A puzzle that may never be solved.

For now though we leave you with this

All hail King Reynolds.!

ARE YOU EXCITED!!! DID YOU JUST BEEF YOUR PANTS!?!!!?!
Not for the election, silly.

GENESIS!! REUNITED AND TOURING!!!!

ALLRIGHT!

Okay, so sarcasm is difficult to read. Genesis is the ELO of the 80's and if it looked like i just wrote a bunch of jibberish, start making with the google until it all makes sense.

sexy time.

Bill Maher.



Word.

Along the same lines as total ecological collapse: the first six minutes of the Tenacious D movie.

I had no desire to see this movie. Now, i kinda do. (What's up with my Jack Black obsession this week? I am such a star fucker.) Anyhow, anytime you have both Meatloaf AND Dio in the first six minutes of your film, you're doing fan-fucking-tastic. And we can see if Tom Hanks kid can do some scene stealing from Jack and Kyle.



One Thing I Know For a Fact: I feel terrible following up Nubbensteins truly intelligent post with something so meaningless. So, to make myself feel better: the U.N. says that 2005 set records for greenhouse gases, and that will continue for the forseeable future. So, you know, it's not just the ocean we're fucking, it's the whole bleeding planet.

Bye bye fishies! That's right folks, by 2048 (which is 42 years from now by the way) there will be very few fish in the ocean that we can eat. What shall I do for sushi then?

Let me point out that there have been about 7 (the number can be debated, since there have been a lot of little extinctions and drawing the line between mass extinctions and crappy times is hard to pin down) mass extinction in the history of life on the planet Earth. Here's what usually causes the giant die offs.
1) A change in the global weather patterns or average temperatures.
2) The changing of the ocean to being slightly anoxic (this means the ocean has less oxygen in it, thus it's harder to support life).
3) A trend toward less species more reliant on a specific environment.

Other things can help wipe out life, such as a big meteor strike or massive volcanism. So let's look at what's happening to the globe right now.
Global warming? Check.
Change in weather patterns? Check?
Less species in more specific environments? Check?
Oceans becoming less habitable? Check.

Well, congrats to you! Looks like you're the next contestant on MASS EXTINCTION!!!
It's been a good run, homo sapien, but really you've just overstayed your welcome. As far as I know, you're the only species to actually produce a mass extinction event just be being assholes. Oh well. The average life span for most species is about 2 million years, and we've been here for 3 million or so. Really, it surprises me that homo sapiens ever did anything better than average.

A 1999 TV Pilot starring Jack Black, Ron Silver, Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson as a talking motorcycle? You guessed it. You Tube.

Knowledge is power. For real. How did this fail?