Still not big enough.

SHITFORMERS

You may have asked yourself at one point "Is it possible for a robot to be
gay?" It seems Michael Bay has the answer to this question, check out the
hint in the photo below.


And it looks like the Autobots have a new archenemy to!

VAGINAFACETRON!

So glade there getting away from those phallic looking designs from
the cartoon. Can't wait to see the showdown where Optimus skull fuck's
this guy!!!! After seeing these pics, anyone who thinks this movie won't
be NC-17 is high.

His return is near! I smell oscar stank all over this one.

ew?

PIGS ARE MAGIC





Just ask this guy.


Whose excited to here some new music?

Go here to listen to a new track from the Deftones upcoming album.......
Oh, you thought when I said new music it would be something from
Steve Perry. Nope sorry, no new Steve Perry.........
Yeah, I wish he'd get back with Journey to.

Movie Review: Snakes on a Plane

It was okay, not bad actually.

Rating: Dirt Mall or Video Rental.

Why do i think this is genius?

28 Days Slater

If you're thinking Christian Slater, you're wrong. Think more "Saved by the Bell".

I think it's pretty obvious that everyone here at PAO are big fans of the multi-media sexplosion that is the Electric Six. At the same time, I can't speak for everyone else here, but I've always found Pitchfork Media to be the Dennis Miller of music websites. All style and faux depth with no real substance, thus earning my scorn. The two delightfully collide when Pitchfork fail to understand the brilliance of the single "I Buy the Drugs".
sigh.
Pitchfork are like that prick in high school that nobody likes, so they act all superior to try and make themselves feel better and more important, but in the end they're tiny, tiny people. I'd feel bad for them but they love the filth that they live in, so as long as they're happy, well good for them.
Say something interesting, Pitchfork, or shut the fuck up. You bore me with your predictable reviews.

POSITIVE BLEEDING


Check out the first page of Garth Ennis's new ongoing title The Boys! Pretty funny stuff eh? Looks even better in color. I can tell you the rest of the book is just as good. Ennis claims this book will " Out Preacher, Preacher." That's a tall order to fill but, if this first issue is any indication of what we'll be seeing down the road, it may do it. Ennis has never been a fan of the superhero genre that's why when he does deal with it he makes light of it or pisses all over it. In this case he's got a cool idea. A world where there are superhero's but with check's and balances so to speak. The issue sets up a group that's about to be formed to keep an eye on people in tights. I can tell you there's a few things that come from out of nowhere in this book and when they do, your shocked and laughing your ass off at the same time. So a high Recommendation for The Boys. We'll see if Ennis can top Arse Face over the next few months.

There are days that are memorable, and there are days that you remember for the rest of your life.
When you found first love, the first day on the set of the Renegade tv show, the day you asked your wife to become an escort, the day you were hired as a judge for the tv show "Hot or Not", those are all memorable.
The day you got Debbie Gibson to date you? That one, that's a forever.

Congrats to Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson. May they have a million little "SnakeEaters" together.

Lorenzo Lamas is tapping this:


One Thing I Know For A Fact: If this is true, Lorenzo Lamas has completed the ultimate "upchick". He has 1. no money, 2. he's ugly 3. he's abused his wife 4. he has no talent. And Debbie Gibson says yes. At least I hope she did. I hope this is all true.

THERE'S A NEW BAND IN TOWN

The Seamen are going to be all over the place in one year's time. There sound has been described as Depeche Mode meets Warrant. Just take a look at the tack list for the debut album.

1. Wait Till the Lovin's All Done
2. Pat Benatar Does It Like a Man
3. The Sun is Awsome
4. Your Special Needs Friend
5. Can You See Paridise In My Pants!
6. Really Nice Shoes
7. I Take My Sauce Hot Like My Woman
8. Yesterday Is The New Tomorrow
9. Can't Stop the Bleeding (In My Heart Since You Did That Other Guy)
10. Lubrication It's Time for Celebration

Check out the musical that started it all!

This is a cat with gold fronts on his fangs. Which raises the question:
Have i reached that point where I'm so bored with the internet that I'm posting pictures of cats? I guess so.
I really need to learn how to cyber-stalk 13 year old girls on Myspace. But then I'd have to hire a lawyer...meh.
Who has something interesting today? Leave it in the comments. If it's good enough, maybe we front page it.

TAKE A RIDE ON MY DIRTY DONKEY




Take note people! On September the 12th Switzerland arrives at your local music store.
It's the most important recording that you may ever buy. It's life changing kind of shit man!

Oh, by the way...whoever gave Samuel L. Jackson my phone number....NOT COOL!
Yeah, he called me up last night to push Snakes on a Plane. I was like Sam, it's cool I'm gonna go see it. Now he's probably expecting me to see it this weekend and he'll be calling back to find out what I thought and on and on and on....
So person that gave Samuel L. Jackson my number, thanks @$$hole. I'll be expecting calls from Travolta and Tarintino any day now.

Are there no proofreaders left in Michigan?

TAINTJOB

Okay, let's get interactive. We rarely do this at Pants but today is the exception.

While playing scrabble recently, the word "taint" was on the board, and I wanted to add the word "job" to the end of it, thus securing me triple word score. The problem arose when I 1. couldn't use it in a sentence because 2. i didn't have a definition for the word. (I officially used the sentence "Honey, get me the paint rollers, I need a taintjob." which did not fly.)
ANYHOW. Here's the interactive part:

Give me a definition of the word "Taintjob" and post them in the comments.

IF THIS IS A HORROR FILM, WHY ARE MY PANTS GETTING TIGHT?

Sometimes it takes a Scottsman to make the most brilliant B-horror flick of the year. Neil Marshall did just that with 'The Descent' aka 'Hot Chicks In A Cave'.

The story (like most fright flicks) is paper thin, however Marshall takes the time to build tension, stack the deck and then (and only then) start the blood flow. Best of all the character who gets this pack of bonnie lasses into trouble is the only American. Political statement? I'd like to think so.

So if you think ladies look better swinging pick axes while covered in creature grime, let me call you my brother and introduce you to the star of our show, Natalie Mendoza.

Think Lucy Liu violently raping J-Lo and that gives you the hottness factor of this up and comer. What demon spawn did I please? Thank you Baby Jesus, Ronnie James Dio and Rush fans worldwide!!!!!

JUST REMEMBER




Your life could be worse. You could be Lou Diamond Phillipes!

Just kidding ya Lou, your nowhere near as big a looser as Vincent Gallo. Although Bats sucked real bad. You never made a film of yourself driving around in a van for an hour and half just to get blown by your dead whore of a girlfriend. Unless you made your girlfriend watch that and as she was trying to get away you hit her. In that case your worse than Vincent Gallo.

If that happened then this negates this post. Happy Friday!!!!

Chapter 1 - Once Again, Brave Warrior, Forth Into the Breach

Excellent.  My well-known love of The Colbert Report has been smeared across these pages like a monkey with a handful of feces since the inception of PAO.  So, why stop now?  If you’re familiar with Stephan Colbert’s show, he often refers to his 1,188 page unpublished (and obviously fictitious) Sci-Fi book “Stephen Colbert’s Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure”.  Now, in what may be either sheer brilliance or absolute sucktitude, “Stephen Colbert’s Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure” is going to be made into a series of comic books!!!!  YAAAY!!  Thank you Oni Press!!

A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! Okay.  Here’s what happens when mainstream news organizations just put their toe into the water of a world they don’t understand.  Heavy Metal.  Background info/Official Disclosure:  I once ran a heavy metal radio program that was on the air 16 hours a week in mid-Michigan.  I have interviewed one of the people mentioned in the article.  I have him, on tape, telling me that society would be better off if we just took it back to the Indians and just lived as communities.  And he was SERIOUS.  He was baked out of his mind (which was the first thing he told me when he called up) and he spoke at length about the benefits of shunning modern culture and society and going back to being hunter/gatherers.  True, he says nothing actually crazy in this article, but at the same time I wouldn’t take a goddamn word he says seriously.  If you want a truly politically awesome album that everyone will love, I can’t recommend a better one than THIS.  (I kid, I kid.  Run out and grab Clutch – Blast Tyrant.  Even if it doesn’t make any sense, it sounds AWESOME.)

“I Wanna Love You Tender”, great music video, or greatest music video ever?

Napoleon Dynamite + Bad Santa + David Cross = School for Scoundrels.  OH the potential humanity!

For your viewing pleasure: the famous “Brad Pitt gets kidnapped” segment on Jackass.  And it’s sequel – Brad Pitt dressed up as a monkey.

DUDE





Get a clue already! Nobody in the U.S. likes a guy who makes out with other dudes. Not cool Joe, not cool.

PLEASE TO BE ENJOYED






New Borat trailer, I'm bringing depends to the theater. Cause, now I gotta clean up the mess in my chair after just the trailer.

New Tenacious D trailer, I hope the movie is funnier than this.

CLEARLY




The best use of Danny Devito in a music video. EVER!

Hump (a Hummer) Day. Wuhrd! LOL!!!

Will Farrell- “I am THIS close to raping you!”
Just an appetizer for a trailer for a Will Farrell movie you will want to see. No, not Talladega Nights, silly. For your consideration: Stranger Than Fiction.

I Humped Your Hummer.com : humorous website contrasting the absurdity of owning a civilian version of a military vehicle in this day and age of soaring gas prices and conflict in the middle east with equally absurd humping action, or just inane jackassery?

Bam! Kapow! Is a great website even for the non-comic people of the world. My favorite thing on their right now? The “Evil Spiderman in Turkey”. Watch as he tortures people and attacks an unsuspecting showering woman. His spider senses were SO tingling.

Sexy???

South Park is keeping it classy:



One Thing I Know for a Fact: The Detroit Tigers are for real. For. Fucking. Real. They’ll make the playoffs. But they’ll be bumped in the first round.