GET OFF YOUR ASS (ONLY FOR A MOMENT) AND DO THE FOLLOWING

The Fall films are coming to a theather near you, giving one plenty of chances to see old British broads gab in between tea and crumpets, starlets gaining weight to play 'real' people and of course the always in demand Sean Penn over-acting movie (yes that is your daughter in there Sean, now fuck off).

Before you are covered in the cliches and OSCAR watches, rent these flicks. My "true" best o' 2006 thus far:

1) THE PROPOSITION:

Take Aussie Goth Pop star Nick Cave and dare him to write a screenplay in three weeks. The result? The best post modern/Old Testament western ever created. As silent as HBO's meta-Western series Deadwood is violently verbose, it satisfies on all levels. The casting is pitch perfect and Danny Huston shows both his father (and grandfather's) acting genes with each and every cold blooded stare.

2) BRICK:

You know what we don't need more of? Teen movies. You know what we do need more of? Teen noirs. High School is a cess pool so why not add some angles to the angst? Director Rian Johnson creates a 40's PI flick that plays out well in Study Hall and grabs the Cliff Notes from the best early works of Joel and Ethan Coen to create an icy, ambitious and fucking hilarious flick.

3) V FOR VENDETTA:

Hyped as the 'new' Matrix, the box office didn't quite pan out for the LA suits. People expecting brain-dead sci-fi 'bullet vision' action eye candy instead were treated to as much political thought as they were bloodshed. In short Bubba Ray Bob lost while the rest of us won. A popcorn movie for the non-mouth breather, it was a rewarding and subversive contribution to a genre that needed a little more brain in its brawn. Also I should add the ONLY flick you need to see on the day you get laid off from your shitty office job.

4) THE INSIDE MAN:

Denzel Washington stops acting like the urban Harrison Ford and has fun in a role again. In this Spike Lee heist flick the tone is old school, the acting is loose and the NYC locations and bit players give the whole film the "what the fuck are you looking at" attitude that Manhattan lost after 9/11. Seriously Hollywood, let New York City be the Asshole Capital of the Free World again! The third act does get clunky but watching Jodie Foster get kudos for being 'a real cunt' makes up for the final 15 minutes of mediocrity.

5) UNITED 93:

Okay, I'm not a GOP/Fox News guy but I hate it when people send me that lie fest known as 'Loose Change' to my Inbox. It's full of crack pot bullshit and the arrogant belief that the only people who could attack our country on 9/11 was our country. Please Bitch, go shove a Chomsky book up your ass and misquote Marx.

Yes roll your eyes. I did the same thing when I heard about this flick but in the crafty hands of Paul Greengrass the politics and the taint of Bush's Crusade-O-Rama is forgotten and 9/11 gets back its humanity (if only for 90 minutes). It's a simple theme: No politics, just people. Flashing between the flight crew and passengers, the FAA ground control center and the NORAD HQ you see how that day became the cluster fuck of missed communication, confusion and disaster. No bullshit 'hero' moments are present ("Let's roll" is uttered as a nervous jitter, not a Die Hard trailer clip) , just people trying to survive. Now that's a concept everyone, everywhere can relate to.

and THE 'WILD-CARD' (because my soap box needs to be smashed)

SLITHER:

Fine, its a B movie. A fucking funny, hillbilly filled B-movie. What the Hell is wrong with that? 'While Snakes on a Plane' didn't quite get the joke that it WAS the joke, 'Slither' wore its schlock as a badge of honor. Combing new-comers Nathan Fillion (the new Han Solo) and Elizabeth Banks with seasoned heavys Gregg Henry and Michael Rooker only ups this creature flick's game and with lines like "Martian is a general term for Space Fucker" and "if I wasn't shittin' my pants I'd be fucking fascinated", that's alot of pick up basketball my friends!!!!

Well this coffee mug is cashed and so am I. Off to see the world, maybe drop kick a Grandma. Have a good weekend pricks!