Party tonight. Party hard. But keep those kids in check.




Happy New Years Eve!!

Dirk Benedict never looked this good.

I was never much of a Star Trek fan, (although after Boston Legal I’m tempted to check it out.). But when I was younger I was a huge fan of Sci-fi, Doctor Who, Battlestar Galactica, Star Wars, Buck Rogers and the 25th Century , etc.
More recently I’ve been exposed to quality programming like Firefly/Serenity and after some prodding, I finally gave the new Battlestar Galactica a chance, and I have to admit I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s good television. So, with great excitement:
January 6th the season continues.
Which gives you just enough time to order or rent the mini-series and Season 1 and Season 2. You won’t be disappointed, I promise.

I’m right about this one. Check it out on the Sci-Fi channel.

This time of year. This is death.

This time of year is the challenge. Time stands still the week between Christmas and the New Years. In short “Mark Linn-Baker” time. What does that mean? That means I am so bored, I actually think to myself “What the fuck is Cousin Larry from Perfect Strangers doing these days?” and actually going online and finding out. He's on the WB now. Some TV show I’ve never heard of. And now you know.

Please leave any suggestions for passing time in the comments area.

QUICKLY!! Cartoon bunnies re-enacting Star Wars in 30 Seconds!!!! Brilliant!

Armen hipped me to this: The Chronic (what?) cles of Narnia. Is it bad that I find it funnier than anything Eminem has done, since, well, his first LP? Saturday Night Live is funny, at least for two minutes.

How can you sit in front of your computer like this? Genesis just might be reuniting! Go forth and spread the word!

Keep hope alive:

Celebrate my birth, fuckers!!



Happy Holidays!

Remember it's only Christmas if you buy something!

Just build a car like this and watch it fly off the show room floor.....make sure it gets sweet mpg's though.

Check out this very well thought out piece of journalism on the car company situation.

(and no that is not sarcasm)

Want to see something that could be as funny as Daredevil????

Check this shit out!

make sure to click on the link that says "rider revealed"

My 3 Wisemen have nothing to do with Jesus until I puke.

It’s that time of year again. Yep, I’m talking about winter solstice. The real reason for the season. Fuck this hobbit. He has no business even hanging around this time of year. And for those of you thinking about celebrating the birth of your savior Joshua, well I’ve got two bits of bad news for you. (Yes I said Joshua. Click the link and find out why billions of bibles are probably wrong.)

I could go on a long rant a about my dislike for this season, but lets leave it at this: No one needs this kind of shit. We use this as an excuse to be greedy. I could do without.

BUT. If you must buy something for someone this year, great gifts would be either this or this will make you universally loved.

Now for your treat: retarded kids. Like ‘em? Fuck, I love them. The Kids of Widney High recorded an album of awesome songs. Oh, I’m the asshole that laughs at retarded kids singing. I’m that guy. Hate me while you chuckle to yourself listening to “Christmas is the Time”

ONE THING I KNOW FOR A FACT: Amendment 8 - Cruel and Unusual punishment -
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. - And yet... apocalypto.

It seems that no matter where I drive there are billboards all over the place for Heather Grahams new soon to be cancelled show on the disney channel. It kind of struck me by the time I drove pass the third billboard for it this morning, she kinda looks like the dude from the
Darkness???? Okay, so maybe these photo's aren't the best examples but follow these steps and see what you think.

1. Stand up

2. Move your chair off to the side of you (left or right doesn't matter)

3. take ten paces back from your computer monitor

ahh ahh ahhh that was only 8 paces 2 more asshair!

4. Squint

NOW DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN????? There like the same person!

Let me ask you this now, is it a coincidence that the Darkness just released a new album around the same time as Heather Graham's new show?????? Mull on that titty twister for a moment!

All of England more "With It" than O'Reilly

FINALLY! Someone has finally fired the first return shot at Scarlett Johansson's continuing war on my pants. Just shows the British know a thing or two about war.

What the fuck, are we Canadians now?

Physics and the erotic art of fucking at the speed of light.

Best. Pic. EVER.

Elvis Costello pulls a Metallica. Except Elvis will probably leave with his dignity still intact.

Get everyone in your family a gift they will love forever and ever. By which I mean order the dvd of "Serenity" today.

Stephan Colbert is awesome. The Colbert Report kicks ass. Get tuned in. Here’s Stephan’s take on the movie King Kong:
"Kong is George Bush, Skull Island is Washington, and Naomi Watts is obviously America who Bush/Kong loves and tries to save by climbing the Empire State Building, which is… Iraq. Or maybe tax cuts. Could be both, it's a very complex movie. And of course the airplanes shooting at Kong/Bush are the press. Or possibly social security."

VH1 gets “Jewtastic” tonight. That’s not me just attempting humor through off-color stereotypes. That’s what they called their show. Let the Jew-larity ensue (there’s that off-color goodness we’re looking for. Sweet, sweet Jew jokes.)

One Thing I Know For a Fact:
Was it really seven years ago to the day when lying about a blowjob was a serious matter? We were so innocent back then. It was a time of hope for everyone. Mostly hope for husbands. Husbands who hoped that their wives would agree that oral sex isn’t in fact sex, so they were free to pursue extra-marital mouth love all they wanted.


Here ya go, kids… my idea of deliciously Jewtastic:

WELL THAT SELLS IT...

America you've made the call and it shall ring throughout the land. Films with limey man-child wizards who have yet to have full ball droppage beat giant apes hands down. Yep 60 million isn't shabby for KONG but how will the furry bastard do in a second weekend remains to be seen. Myself I will pass because I just found out (SPOILER ALERT) the MONKEY DOESN'T THROW POO!

For that I say fuck you very much Peter Jackson, you used to be proud. Now look at your Adkins ass. Pussy.

Bill O'Reilly refuses to acknowledge the truth

Why is everyone concerned with this alleged “war on Christmas” here in the grand old United States? 83% of Americans identify themselves as “Christian”. That’s not a war, that’s a massacre.
No. The war that needs to be focused on, and that Bill O’Reilly CONTINUES TO IGNORE, is the war in my pants.
Scarlett Johansson has waged a pre-emptive strike on my bathing suit region. She INSISTS on using her weapons of mass distraction to force me to fantasize about her. In her ongoing attempt to dominate my nether region, Scarlett has been cast in a movie set in the 1940’s. How am I supposed to live my life when I’m being systematically and prodigiously assaulted? I’M JUST A HUMAN BEING!!!
So, I say man up Bill O’Reilly, and recognize where the true enemy is embedded. It’s in my pants and its armed and dangerous.

So ask yourself, when was the last time you saw a Farrelly brothers film that was funny?
Now ask yourself, when was the last time you saw something Parker & Stone did that was funny?

Why do I bring this up?

Cause it seems the Farrelly brothers need all the help they can get to sell there new turd of a movie that sounds like one giant ass copout. So generate some hub bub about the dudes from South Park stealing from you before anybody knew about your soon to suck film. If I was them I'd spend alittle more time studying Kingpin or finding insperation from good films like....I don't know.....Cannibal the Musical, Orgasmo, Baseketball, or Team America.

FUCK YEAH!

Never thought I'd see the day when the Terminator would let someone else do the terminating for him. The T-800 must be going soft at his old age.

And here it is....the tv show into movie that nobody asked for Miami Vice! Now if Phil Collins has anything to do with this and I mean anything at all. He could have a big role as the villian or a cameo as a hot dog vender who offers crocket and tubbs sage advice about life. He could just do all the music for it like all those really great songs he did for Genisis or Disney. Or he could just get Michael Mann's coffee during production and this movie will be gold. Also I hope they show crochet and chubbs fucking a lot of gu....girls. Cause it's Miami and there Vice is sex? Shiiiiiiiiiiiit what's not to like, why hasn't anyone asked for this yet????

Just look at that photo, you know you want to touch!

THIS JUST IN! People if Miami Vice does gang busters at the BO next summer, the studio will greenlight the next greatest buddy movie of all time.........

HALL AND OATES THE MOVIE

Now comes the fun part! Make your picks for who should play these legendary characters on the big screen! My pick: Dolph Lundgren as Hall and Steve Buscemi as Oates. I can't wait to see the scene where they come up with "Man Eater" so good.

Random Ramblings

Yes Virginia, we will have a well-hung Superman. But the question is, will it be good?

The American Film Institute recognize that Battlestar Galactica and Deadwood are bad ass. Now if we can just get them to give The A-Team a lifetime achievement.

King Kong is getting some awesome reviews. I’ll give Peter Jackson the benefit of the doubt on this one. I might actually see this in the theater, which is rare.

I like beer. One day I hope to open a bar. Not in a dry county. That’d just be dumb.

For everyone in America: In Canada, Great Britain, and other countries the day after Christmas is a holiday called “Boxing Day”. Why is it called that? Here's why.


That’s all the knowledge I have. 13 Days and the torture is over, FOOL!

Sadly, no longer true.


Pay your respects, bitches.

Back from my State sponsored 'sick leave'.

I've learned to heal through the power of light beer, watching 'The Hitcher' and astrology. Don't want to stroke my own Hot Wheels ramp but I'm pretty good! Scroll down and feel the power of truth.......


Aquarius (Jan 20th-Feb 18):

Now is the time to take hold and change your life. But it’s the weekend and you just can’t say no to cut-rate gin and a back alley reach-a-round can you?

Pisces (Feb 19th –March 20th):

Your symbol is a fish. You sad bastard.

Aries (March 21 – April 19):

It’s always important to be the better person. You know who says that? FAGS!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20):

New job opportunities arise. Yeah it comes from that fat guy touching himself at the end of the Applebee’s bar but fuck, free nachos are free nachos.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21):

Those new romantic feelings in your life? Yeah it ends here.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22):

Is it ‘beer before liquor never sicker’? Or is it ‘liquor before beer all is clear’? Better tell your friends you’re sorry for taking a shit on their cat now so you can move on.

Leo (July 23 – Aug 22):

Your romantic fling will soon blossom into something long term. In short, you’ve got crabs.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22):

You’re really going out in that huh? Live that dream man.

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22):

You need to commit to your desires. So cut DOWN the vein, not ACROSS it.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21):

You just died a little more inside. Here, have a cookie.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19):

Use tonight to lose your fear of new things. But remember…no one hears the safety word if you’ve got a ball gag in your mouth.

This is what happens when you try to fuck someone whose not a complete stranger in the ass!

That's right Happy Hollidays, no defenitly not Merry Christmas cause I'm not Jewish or whatever??? I just think that New Years gets left off of the seasonal greating radar way to much so I'm showing the luv! LOL): internet slang is fun I'm totally down with the syndrome!

Well how about I leave you with a picture of what happens when you apply my trademark
"Sexy Moves" on your special lady friend.

Pretty in Pink

I once made a joke about CHiPS becoming a movie. Except in my joke Ponch would be played by Ted Raimi.

Maybe I’m on a Johnny Depp kick, or maybe he’s just releasing a lot of stuff soon. Check out the trailer for The Libertine and tell me you don’t want to see it.

Absurdly cute! Cartoon bunnies re-enacting "A Christmas Story" in 30 seconds. It sounds silly, and it is. But, honestly, what are you doing in the next 30 seconds.

Now there's a man. Rugged and always in trouble, that’s Rockford for ya.

The straight dudes guide to 'Brokeback Mountain'. However gay ‘Brokeback’ may be, it’ll have to REALLY gay it up to out gay Touch of Pink. (Seriously? Kyle MacLachlan as Cary Grant?)

Do they know it's Christmas?

Do you? Trying to find the perfect gift for a loved one who happens to also be a homicidal maniac? Your shopping is done.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s all over the news. There’s a sad anniversary today, and we’re all thinking about it. 230 years ago today America invaded Canada. And we failed. Now we only have their bacon and domination of their national sport.



Cheers!

Porntastic Tuesday

You know that guy. The one friend who obsess over the latest Hollywood hottie. The friend who was counting down the days until the Olsen twins turned 18. Send him here. He’ll thank ya.

In an effort to keep everyone away from the movie theaters - more pre-movie commercials.

You know that guy. The one friend who obsessed over “Friends”. The one who seemed to cherish that Jennifer Aniston Rolling Stone cover a little too much? Send him this link of a topless Aniston. He’ll lose control.

x-3 trailer for the kids. I’m leery.

Only in America. If you have a spare $100k and a paypal account, you can now buy an entire Porn company. Yep. Old master tapes, photos, editing equipment, distribution network, unsold 2005 product, everything. My country ‘tis of thee.

Ok, which of these two would win in a fight??????

Post your feelings below.

Yes, I'm still picking on Daredevil

Let’s start the blogday with Dane Cook. If you don’t know, jesus criminy where the heck have you been? He teaches you awesome things, like how not to get killed when the creepy guy goes crazy at work.

In all fairness to Johnny Depp fans everywhere: yo - ho, yo - ho, 'tis a pirates life for him.

For the ladies in the house: where ugly dresses go to die.

Oh Japan, you silly unintentional racists!

Daredevil and Elecktra's procreation has come to fruition, name the baby something less stupid than "Jor-El".


Now for all you fanboys, Ben Affleck as Daredevil.