One thing I know for a fact

I don’t know what it is. Something about Clutch allows them to play with just about any other band on the planet. This past summer they toured on the Sounds of the Underground tour with bands like Strapping Young Lad, Lamb of God, Opeth and many other hardcore or black metal bands and Clutch fits right in. Yet they can also tour with William Elliott Whitmore and it all seems natural. William Elliott Whitmore plays a banjo and sings southern soul music (pitchfork review here). But the Clutch crowd LOVED it. For some reason the combination is amazing.
Clutch kills it live. Drummer Jean Paul Gaster made Saturday night his night to shine. He was on fire and the rest of the band laid waste to Royal Oak. Absolutely killed it. 2 sets, 27 songs, and at the end of the night the crowd was still chanting for more. I’ve been to dozens of shows where people headed to the doors before the lights even came up (most disappointingly the first Black Sabbath reunion tour), but the at the end of this night the lights went up, the roadie signaled to the audience the band was done and started taking down equipment and the crowd kept chanting.
Everyone there realized that they had just witnessed one hell of a show and we’ll be lucky if we ever see anything like it again. I don’t think anyone wanted that night, that show to end. But it had to, and when it was all done I think we were probably all satisfied.
Here’s the set list courtesy of our friend Kevin:
Set 1
escape from the prison planet
mice & gods
gullah
pure rock fury
army of bono
10,000 witnesses
rock n roll outlaw
mob goes wild
profits of doom
sea of destruction
regulator
the incomparable mr. flannery
burning beard
Set 2
who's been talkin
ship of gold
elephant riders
Big News I ->
Big News II
100011
land of pleasant living
big fat pig ->
one eyed $
(in the wake of) the swollen goat
12 oz. Epilogue
cypress grove ->
the house that peterbilt
gravel road

Anyhow, here’s Gravel Road by William Elliott Whitmore. Enjoy

ps: I know ladies are going to want to give Kevin hand relief for providing the set list. Kevin has a wife. Her name is Monica. So all you bitches, hands off, he's taken.

R.I.P. Mr. Miyaygi

He got way more ass than Daniel San!

Big News (I & II)

Ready to rock if you want to roll
Please step away from the vehicle
Ragnarock and revolutionize
Gimme just a minute while I clarify

My friends are most awesome. Because of their endless generosity, all three of your lovely blog hosts will be attending what promises to be a super-kickass rock show. Clutch is hands down one of my favorite bands. I've gone to so many shows I'm not sure I can recall them all. Tonight they're doing a double set at a venue three miles from my house. This band kills it live, and I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to enjoying the pure rock fury that is Clutch. Armen and I have seen them probably half a dozen times, but this will be the first time for Lattejesus, a new convert to the fold.
I'll force Armen to do the show review because he's better about this stuff and will probably actually remember which songs are played. So look forward to that folks. And if you get a chance, see the Clutch live.

Jesus on the dashboard.

Happy Thanksgiving.



Now, go pull some stuffing out of this guys anus.

CHEERS!!

"This is what it sounds like....when doves cry dodododododat!" Can you tell what this is all about? That's right Jack Black as a Mexican Wrestler in the next pick from the guy who did Napoleon Dynamite. Can he defeat the mighty Manzilla? It'll cost you 9 dollars or time to find a pirated copy to find out.

I'd also like to take time to point out that this week is indeed Thanksgiving and for you folks not to fall for all the hype surrounding this bogus holiday. It's just another excuse that Hallmark has created to get you to buy cards with turkey's on them and give to your family. Hallmark is evil and is hellbent on destroying our American way of life. Just stick to the tradtion of burning down an indians casino and raping there turkey's (that's how the pilgrims basted there birds back in the day.) I'm just saying they should not have Football that day but, NASCAR! Seriously , sometimes I wonder if the Nazis won the war and used a mind changing substance that makes us think they lost but didn't.

I like gravey all over my plate, I'm thankful for gravey.

MY SHOES HURT!

Seems the other half of the Mr. Show duo is into directing now. Check out this title that probably won't see the light of day. I'm looking forward to "You Are Going to Prison" I'm pretty sure it's like a prequel to that show OZ. I've never seen OZ but I hear it's really funny.

Vaginal prophylactics, the final frontier.

Spray on condoms.

They’re Wil Wheaton approved.

Don't stop believing.

That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.

Trivia question:

Who is people’s sexiest man alive?

How people magazine yet again overlooked Crispin Glover I will NEVER understand.

Curse you McConaughey!!!!!!!! This was to be Khan's year! People Magazine beware my wrath.

The Superman Returns teaser trailer will be show during tonights episode of Smallville.
If you'd preffer not to sit through an hour of whining and poor acting it will be online around 9pm here.

Also we have some detials on what's going to happen in the film!

After a long vacation in outer space Superman returns to Earth to find Lois banging some other guy and Lex Luthor President of the United States. Instead of turning back time like in the first film Superman decideds humans just aren't worth all the fuss and throws the Earth into the sun. Now we've heard here at PAO the last few moments of the film will end like this,
After tossing the Earth into the sun Superman begins to fly around space. But instead of the John Williams score playing we hear Metallica's "Where ever I may rome" as Superman whips out his Ipod and jams out in space!

And Scene!

Insert lame "9 Stories" double entendre here --->

Lisa Loeb is a desperate slut. Okay, maybe not slut, but a reality dating show about her love life sure seems desperate.

In the interest of being fair to all things creative, I submit to you the greatest thing an aspiring writer can do. Fan Fiction. They didn’t shoot an episode where Luke Duke kisses Boss Hogg’s niece outside of the Hogg household because it would be LAME? Now you can write your own! And imagine what it’d be like! Fan’s do the craziest things.

What if James Bond were actually a midget, and Filipino or Indian or something? Wonder no more. I haven’t seen this movie, but if it’s as good as the leisure suited midget looks, then it’s gotta be a winner. Also check out Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fay while you’re on the site, cuz fuck it. If you’re going to get one, you have to get the other, right?

OLN. The Outdoors Life Network. On this channel you can view stunning programming like Bull Riding, Motocross, Wanted Ted or Alive featuring Michigan’s greatest Neanderthal Ted Nugent, and hockey. You’re reading this correctly. The Outdoor Life Network airs hockey, which is, primarily, played indoors and is an actual organized sport. Nothing gets killed, ridden or raced, which begs the question why. Why would OLN have hockey? As a hockey fan I can say undoubtedly, that OLN’s coverage is the WORST I’ve ever seen. And it looks real shitty too.

So, for all you sick-o’s out there, Hilary Duff puts out, now all you need is chloroform.

Are you a DIY’er? Like making bowls out of old LP’s or picture frames out of ragweed and absinthe? This is the site for you. Have no idea what DIY even means? Then this is your site.


Best beer label I've seen in awhile. Leave it to Canada, right?

This is Inane

If there was just some way to turn an iPod into a sex toy... Yep. iSex, kids. If you buy this for your lady, be sure to accessorize.

Just RELAX and get the greatest hits from one of the greatest bands in the world.

This man gets more ass than I will in my whole life. And rightfully so.

Okay, lets do the damn thing. In 9 days we will be giving thanks to the Native Americans for making the biggest mistake in history. (click here for the 2nd biggest mistake in history and here for the 3rd)
A lot of people I know are much bigger fans of Christmas based entirely on the selfish need for gifts. It affirms in our mind that we are as good as WE THINK we are. And therefore are deserving of all of this good-will windfall. We forget all of the time we spent finding and paying for all the gifts for the people we either don’t like or really don’t care about in hopes that they are getting you an equally good gift. (BTW, thanks mom and dad for making me pay for half of my Sega Genesis. I am now sufficiently jaded).
In all of this clamor, hubbub, hoo-schnikety and the like, there are the assholes like Bill O'Reilly screaming about how people are trying to destroy Christmas. And people who yell about how we lose sight of the true meaning of CHRISTmas.
All of this is why I much prefer celebrating the first steps of genocide. The food is good, there’s football on TV, and there’s absolutely no religious bullshit involved. Yet. They’ll sneak it in there somehow I’m sure. It’s a day that allows you to put off buying Madonna’s new album for your sister for Christmas and just eat some damn food.

Note: I am now stepping down off of my soapbox for the day. In my place there will be a mechanical monkey clapping cymbals. Enjoy.

tip: Ladies, save this image to your desktop for use when your iPod vibrator arrives.

TIP OF THE DAY

If you want to see a kid puke like it's a snow cone machine, feed it a few of these from a coney island. I promise you the image of it will burn into your head and keep you smiling for days. Oh, almost forgot, make sure White Snake is playing. That is if you want to see there head spin around to create the projectile vomit. It's what scientists call the Coverdale Effect.

Guess what homies! After the soon to be giant turd X3 is released be on the look out for Goat Rider! Directed by the same dude who did Daredevil (from red to black leather). Which I might add was on FX lastnight and reminded of my favorite line delivered by my favorite actor Ben Afflicktion.

"Justice is served!" He didn't dance or start laughing or anything, just stone faced "Justice is served" mmmmmmmm and from what I could tell, that justice looked like it tasted good to. Not to hot but warm and moist like freshly baked cookies. I tell you, there sure would be more crimes commited if justice was always served on a freshly baked tray of Duncan Hines goodness.

Any who, they got Nic Cage to play the rider so I'm hoping he goes back to Raising Arizona and channels H.I. for this one. "I'll be taking your soul and them hugies you got on you"
Plus Peter Fonda as the devil! This dude hasn't done squat in how long? but comes out for Ghost Rider? Wait, I get it! It's like a sequel to Easy Rider for him, like he's come full circle and can look back at his career and go "yeah.....I was in pictures......motorcycles are shiny"

Indeed they are, especially when covered in hellfire.

In related news to the last post, the WB (home of sexy young angst ridden teens) is considering an Aquaman show ala Smallville. Do to the underwater hero's popular appearance on the Superboy dramady show, which was well....what's the word....Shitty, yes Shitty. I question how the butt of all comic geeks jokes could possible merrit his own show?????

Explination: see last fifty years of television .

Dear person(s) that broke and entered my domain...

I hope you feel good about yourself. You should probably know something. You may have gotten the PS2, all of our games, our car keys, computer monitor, credit cards, and social security card, but you clearly don't watch My Name is Earl.
Karma is real, just ask Carson Daly. You will find happiness in your life, and because of what you did to us and probably others, your child will die of SIDS. Or have Down Syndrome. Or whatever. Something horrible. And I don't wish it upon you, I don't. But you reap what you sow (read your bible).
Also, you obviously don't watch CSI (and if you started watching CSI Miami and found it horrible, I commend you and understand), but here's the thing. IF you watched CSI you would know that leaving a brown floating log in our toilet bowl is (besides disgusting) leaving DNA EVIDENCE. If you've been convicted of a crime in the state of michigan, they have your DNA on file. If you become convicted of a crime in michigan, they will link this robbery to you.
So, my advice to you is 1. I'm installing a new security door in the back with a deadbolt and changing the locks, so you'll have to break into a window. 2. I'm getting a security system that monitors the windows, so don't break into the windows. 3. DON'T SHIT IN PEOPLES HOUSES AND NOT FLUSH. Because you'll get caught. And it's gross.
Thanks for making my life very difficult. Good luck with SIDS and Down Syndrome.

Hey Piggy

Got an extra $1 Million? In dire need of sperm? Why not buy Vincent Gallo’s?

My new favorite director. Not for any of the films he’s made, just his people management skills.

I can hear the indie-rock kids masturbating right now all over the internet. Jim O'Rourke Produces New Beth Orton Album. (We’re fucking, we’re fucking, playing with boobs, we’re fucking, Jim O’Rourke Produces New Beth Orton Album, Oh GOD! Jesus. Where’s my Kleenex?)

Hmmm. So far everything I’ve written somehow involves semen. Curious.

If this doesn't give you a hard on you’re clearly not going to be forever in blue jeans.

Step right up. March.

Don't look at him he's ugly in the morning.

So, I was mildly interested in seeing the new King Kong flick. Peter Jackson is probably at the top of the list of directors working today. Now that I've seen the new Kong trailer it's safe to say Lucas and Spielbergh are no longer fit to lick the tant from Jackson's ass. I'm jazzed about seeing this now, check it out in HD if you have the bandwidth.

Rumor has it they'll be a Superman Returns trailer with the next Harry Potter film. Am I a big enough geek to pay full ticket price for a trailer???? Fuck no, but that's why I pay 40 bones a month for cable modem. I'll notify our non existant fan base as soon as it's up.

Feel the Pain

Age.
I’ve been trying to fight it. I make a half assed effort to watch the MTV and see what the kids are listening to. I swing on over to webvomit to see what Jasper has the indie kids hooked on now. Sometimes I wander over to Pitchfork to see what the elitist self-centered snobs think is popular.
Technology. I try to keep up. Cable modem. Desktop and laptop. Wi-fi. Don’t have an MP3 player yet, but that’s because I’m too damn cheap and I’m waiting for prices to fall just a little bit more.
But I think I officially have to give up. I don’t know where I went wrong. I’m amazed by Knows Your Name Elmo, 1GB mp3 players less than an inch square, and now this.
I’m aware that it’s possible to remotely access information, heck the whole web is based on the concept. I know it’s possible to get files off of your home computer remotely, Apple has a whole program for that. But this?
Let me explain the link that I’ve posted twice. Anywhere you have internet access (and I mean anywhere, Japan for instance) it is now possible to, on any web capable device, to view your own cable television shows. You can visit a friend in Germany, hop on their computer, log in and watch “Meet the Fockers” on HBO. If you have a TIVO hooked up, even better, you can access that as well.
You can be in computer lab in your high school, and when the teacher isn’t looking you can watch “Kicking and Screaming” or “The Perversions of Hitler” on The History Channel. Or you can access those less than legally downloaded songs you have on your home desktop or laptop and listen to it.
I shouldn’t be flabbergasted. This shouldn’t surprise me. This is where technology has been heading since 1993 and the old BBS’s. But it’s here.
The future is here and I think it’s passing me by. I’m approaching 30 and feeling useless.

Anyhow, the service is free. I haven’t signed up for it. I expect you guys to and report back to me.

Good night, and good luck.

Fuck it! I'm in the mood to push an agenda, so here it goes.

For those of you who are not comic geeks but like things that are humorus and fun check this out. Click on the page with the panels and move your mouse down to the bottom right hand corner of the image. When you see the jpeg icon click on it so you can read the text better. Those of you who are porn fans know what I'm talking about. LOL, BTW, FUCKINTERNETSPEAK!

Yes it's poo humor but there's so much more. Go to amazon or your local comic shop and score a trade and check it out.

Remember reading is fundmental.

Orthomyxoviridae Family (google it, motherfucker)

So, Christmas is coming up, and to all the parents out there who continually hop onto the creepiest trends, I present to you Knows Your Name Elmo. No fucking shit. It comes with a USB cable and a CD ROM so you can load your child’s personal info into A DOLL. I predict this will lower the age of suicide dramatically.

Does this make me a lesbian? Or does it just mean the majority of lesbians and I have great taste. So to speak.

I have a great idea. I should develop a way to make a cake that looks like a cat litter box filled with cat shit. It's been done? Goddamnit!

Guys, are you feeling lonely. Like you’re life is meaningless. Do you feel as though everyday is another day wasted? Is there something just MISSING in life? I give you the key to happiness. Or herpes.

Ladies. Do you wake up every morning knowing you deserve better in life? Do you look in the mirror and think to yourself “I am hot fire. I am the shit. I deserve a life beyond what I’ve created so far.” I give you the key to happiness. And you can thank me by hiring me to clean your pool (a winks as good as a nod to a blind whore).

ummmmmmmm...


Looks like the bird flu just jumped species.

But he's still so CUTE!!

Happy surfing!

?

This image has everything to do with this post.

Be excited! B-E- E-C-I-T-E-D! Believe it, that took a while to type. Anyway this movie looks like shit loads of fun. Click the link to see it in all of it's HD glory. It's a shame it's not a release for Halloween since all we got this year was Saw II. Which I'm sure suck's twice as hard as the first one. What's my justification for that? No wang's or tities were cut off, you know like an Italian zombie flick. The only thing more frightening than that would be any of the reality shows on VH1. Cheers fuckers!