Three Cheers for Halloween!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

YAY!!!!


And on with the show. In the interest of full disclosure, it should be noted that from 1995-2000 this blogger hosted and ran a heavy metal radio show. Which is why I find this site to be truly hilarious. Metalheads and non-metalheads alike, feel free to laugh at the sub-genre called “black metal” with their full on corpse paint, and terrible, awful, retarded props.

One more heavy metal note: Ah-hahahahahahahahahaha!!! You know what? I probably would have been way into this five years ago. Maybe I’ll cry myself to sleep because of my misspent youth. Or just shrug and move on.

On to the world of TV. ROME last night. Incest. Icky, but I kept watching. Three episodes left. I’m still hooked. If you got Comcast, OnDemand motherfucker!

On to Halloween stuff tonight: What to watch, what to watch…
A&E has “The Secret Life of Vampires” which, seriously, not my thing.
History Channel has “Haunted Halloween” which could be cheesy fun.
Bravo is running “A Nightmare on Elm Street” which is more my thing.
TMC is running “Psycho”, getting better.
HBO is running “Dave” naturally (what?)
Starz is opting for that Halloween classic “Kindergarten Cop” (it’s not a tumah!)
You know what? I think you’ll all agree, the right choice in this situation is turning on The Oxygen Network for their Xena Warrior Princess marathon.

Anyone watched the recent South Parks? I think they’re still looking to find their stride. Two “eh’s” so far.

And WTF with the Simpson continually doing their Tree house of Horror the week after the Halloween? At that point I’m just looking forward to Thanksgiving.


Here's your pic. Just remember, if they took this much time to do this, it's probably not supposed to be as funny as I find it, which makes it just hilarious.

If this doesn't get your lady friend hot, then your probably into necrophilia.

Also here's a portrait of the dude whose in the suite. Let's all be more like him.

I WALK WHEREVER THE WEATHER PROVIDES

Ever wonder how to survive a zombie attack? Wonder no more.

Watching The Colbert Report yet? Well you should be. Here’s a sample why:
"Perjury's not a real crime; it's just lying about a real crime. Like manslaughter. It's not murder; it's beating someone brutally in a drunken bar fight, and they just happen to die. You can't blame someone for that."

Here are some video clips. I wish they had the one where Colbert starts singing the chorus to Lisa Loebs “Stay” and out of the fricken’ blue they cut to her on set to finish the chorus.

Cartoon Networks Adult Swim is kick ass. Not just because of show content, no. But because their website is awesome. Example? Of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force games that you can play, the best one may be Carl's Freakin' Strip Poker.

Executive branch of Government to comedy site The Onion: “Stop using the Presidential Logo."
The onion responds with anal fissures.

Sylvester Stallone to do a sequel of a movie franchise that died in the 80’s. That’s not news? It is when it's RAMBO IV!?!!!

One music note for y’all; which washed up guitar hero’s new album received zero stars from Rolling Stone magazine?



Don't worry, it's just stigmata.Pass me a napkin and don't you dare tell my mother.

Get in the spirit, y'all!!!!

Carve your virtual pumpkin HERE!!

You know, as practice for the real one!

4 Days and counting! (bounce, bounce, bounce!)

Finally an answer as to why the new Weezer album sucks. Yet it sold better than Malindrot???
Proving once again people love shit!

Penis.

So, riddle me this: why is C.C. Deville of Poison in the news? And why do I kind of shake my head and laugh at that but still think he’s a pussy, yet somehow when Tommy Lee does the same thing I think he’s still kind of a bad ass? It's probably the huge penis.

Ever wonder why it’s the White Sox instead of the White Socks? Slate.com drops the knowledge. (I learned that “jail” used to be spelled “gaol”. Who fucking knew?)

73 reasons to NOT see The Legend of Zorro. And two compelling reasons to see the movie. Decisions, decisions.

5 more days until Halloween!!!!! Are you familiar with it's inherent evils? True Christians hate it, that’s why we love it so much. The TRUE meaning of Halloween. Ack, ack, ack!

You know, there’s a lot of talk and chatter about political scandals ‘round these here parts. Know what? Not here. The only scandal I’m interested in is why this wasn't released in theaters.


Finally, they ain’t pretty, but they still rock.



Alright children, this is your history lesson. These old guys? This is where The Killers, Interpol, etc. get it all. Now go back and learn how much history rocks.

You’re welcome. Now start loading your iPod.

Ah, yeah, hush that fuss, everybody move to the back of the bus.

Pay your respects here, jerk.

How Rosa Parks is 'misremembered' through history.

Holy shit people, it's almost halloween and I still haven't built my Optimus Prime costume! The only piece I have left to find is the grill of a semi, preferably one that will fit a 37 inch chest.
I know what your thinking -

Internet: "Armen, who gives two fucks about your costume what am I gonna do?"

Armen: "Quit being such a dick internet and maybe I can help!"

Internet: "Sorry, it's just that H day is so close and we've got no ideas? Plus we spent all are cash on photoshoped nudie pic's of Kelly Clarkson."

Armen: "HOT! here's some really fantastic ideas I found by surfing around your part of town"

Check your local Halloween USA they may have a buy 1 get 1 free sale.
Find a friend who can sew, chip in on some cost effective fabric and walaaaaa!
Keep it simple! find an old bed sheet with tons of stains on it you won't miss (you can find them easy with a black light if you have one) grab a sharpy and people will be saying "One time I saw a ghost!"
Elephants are in this year, I think it's the chinese zodiac animal. Find a kid's stuffed animal, cut it up and strap it on. People will be dazzled not only by a sweet costume but that your in tune with your animal self.
These guys got it 100% right. Use what you already have and accentuate it with a dab of paint. You don't have to be an artist yourself, just find an arts & crafts person whose comfortable with naked human bodies and have them apply the desired design. Make sure to shave everywhere first, paint is a bitch to get out of hair.

Armen: "Feel better internet?"

Internet:" Lots! were gonna be an elephant ghost!"

Armen: "Say, that'll be great!"

Happy Hauntings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Usually I'm not a Saturday Night Live fan, haven't been since, well college (Will Farrell was still in the cast, just so you know). Anyhow. Today I pinched a nerve in my neck. I'm not going to say how. I'm just saying I may or may not have been cleaning out gutters when over twenty ninjas attacked me all at once. I fought them all off with just a garden hose, but I came away wounded, and I found myself up late tonight.
They announced musical guest Franz Ferdinand, with host Catherine Zeta Jones. I thought: "Hey! Franz Ferdinand! And the T-Mobile chick has big boobs!"
The score:
Franz Ferdinand = AWESOME
Catherine Zeta Jones = TERRIBLE
I don't know if as you get older the sense of comedy changes, or whether SNL is on one of their almost predictible down cycles. Or maybe they've stayed the same and the landscape has changed because of the Daily Show.
Who knows. Watching the show made me want to go to a Franz Ferdinand show and to NEVER see the new Zorro movie. Or battle a legion on Ninjas.
No funny pictures or links tonight, kids. Don't worry, we'll rock you on the flip.

Okay.

There's this thing I've noticed, and it doesn't bother me, I just think it needs to be modified.

Online, in various places, I've noticed people use the pre-fix "Meta" for things. "Meta Jesus" "Meta Data" and even my friend Brad signs his e-mails "Meta Brad".

Meta, as I know it, is a fancy way to say "beyond" or alternately "about" (for instance "metadata" is data about data - etc.) . I'm sure there's some hipster meaning (beyond Aegeas' wife) that I'm totally missing.

Bottome line: (yawn) BOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG.

I propose we start using the pre-fix "Mecha" instead. Which is probably more nerdy cuz of all that anime shit. But the image that i get in my head when you say "Mecha Jesus" looks something like this:


or did i just blow your mind?

Fun with Numbers

4 – Number of Days Until “United Nations Day”. Seriously.

11 – Number of Days until HALLOWEEN!! Still my fav halloween costume ever.

44 – Number of years the Houston Astros have been a MLB team.

1 – Number of division championships they’ve won (hint: it was recent.)

46 – Number of years since the Chicago White Sox have been to the World Series.

0.63 – Number of ounces in the smallest MP3 player.

5 – Number of dollars for the Creepy Clyde in Spooky Town CD. It’s total
Halloween. He’s the good kind of Creepy, not the bad.

3 - Number of cheers I gave when I found out Tom Sizemore had sex with Paris Hilton. THAT is the bad kind of creepy.


Now, all that rocks in less than one square inch!

Hey everyone, let's thank Mc G for being a big fat coward! Now the Superman flick's getting made by Bryan Singer. So that's a big fuck you to the X-Men fans cause now there stuck with Bret Ratner! Maker of such stinkers as Rush Hour and Family Man. Maybe if you'd quit calling Superman gay all the time this might not have happend. Maybe Singer would still be on X-Men and this guy would be directing.

HA!

Things about TV:

1. The Colbert Report is fucking hilarious. Comedy Central, why is your news the best?

2. My Name is Earl is fricken awesome.

3. Rome is also quite good.

4. I care a great deal, also, for The Office.

5. Grey's Anatomy is BORING. But the lady insists.

6. Night Stalker is bad for all of the wrong reasons.

AND FINALLY:

The World's Greatest Show EVER returns TOMORROW!!!!!!! Set your Tivo's or VCR's or galactic video iVideo Podometer.



now...ROCK!

Tonight we party at lattejesus' pad.

Who do we love?


Show some love
get some love?

Gotta lose your mind in Detroit Rock City! Best KISS show ever!

17 DAYS 'TIL HALLOWEEN!!



And a special thanks to the hero in the background who finally took the "Pant's Optional" thing seriously.

This pisses me off to no end! I'd been working on my act for the last six months and was just about to book my show at the Fischer Theater. When this jackass shows up and steals my thunder! Screw it, I'm moving on to Daredevil. Red leather is HOT!

Taste our liquid gold...

Rick Moranis does a country album?

How does this happen? I thought it would be flawless. It has a little “i” in front of it.

Did you know that you can buy fake security cameras? What, so you can be like “that would have been such a good idea, had I actually paid for a real one” when you get robbed?

I have to admit, I kind of LOVE the "Danger Doom" album. It’s rap featuring interludes and snippets from Adult Swim and is a collaboration between rapper MF Doom and underground producer danger mouse. It’s fucking genius.

This site is in drastic need of a lot of support and upgrading. I’m thinking photoshop contests, joke of the day, fun graphs showing how retarded these people are, etc.


Because you demand it: Japanese cartoon bears calling you fat.

For those about to rock...

The question isn’t why Steven Seagal has his own energy drink, the question is why has it taken so long. Haven’t we all been waiting to taste that sweet nectar of life, that ambrosia, that essence of Seagal.

“We just want to ride this cash cow into the arena.” Frank Black discussing the new PIXIES album.

Hack?

Breaking Bonaduce is hilarious. And it should be. Danny Bonaduce is a raging asshole. He’s an alcoholic. He’s been unfaithful to his wife. He starts using steroids. She wants a divorce. It gets better. He attempts SUICIDE! Oh god, this is so much better than anything Cory Feldman could ever do.

Two reminders:

1. Watch ROME on HBO. It’s awesome. But if you have Comcast, start at the first episode with on demand.


2. My Name is Earl is on TONIGHT at 9PM Eastern. Watch and laugh.

The drizzle.

Graham Greene?

Today, kids, today you educate yourself. Today, go to a library, go to a book store and get off the damned internet.
Today, I free your imagination.

Run. Now! Scurry fast!

MY NAME IS JONAS, FINGER NAILS ARE PRETTY!

WOW! I'm still pumped after that show and I didn't even do any cocaine this time????

Kaiser Chiefs - Not a bad opener, main highlight. "This guy thinks we suck?" pointing to ass in the crowd " Let me ask you, are you in a band? Did Foo Fighters ask you to go on tour with them? Did your album sell a million copies?" finishes with "Well fuck you then!" Very funny stuff, there music wasn't that bad either.

Weezer- I admit I'm not a fan of Make Believe and hearing those tracks live didn't impress me either but the rest of there show, HOLY SHIT did that blow away the Cobo show.
The band was way into the show and Rivers was fairly chatty this time " I wrote a song today and was going to play it but then you'd just record it and put it on the internet then you'd be bored with it by the time I put it on an album" The band was constantly rotating positons and instruments. Near the end of the show Brian, Rivers, and Scott were all playing Pat's drum kit while he rocked on the guitar. It was cool seeing Rivers playing the drums. My lady who is not a Weezer fan even said she dug that act. After they finished I felt as if I had just got my money's worth from that set alone, just awsome!:

My Name is Jonas
Peace
Don't Let Go
Dope Nose (Scott vocals)
This is Such a Pity
Big Me (Foo Fighters cover)
Perfect Situation
Why Bother (Brian vocals)
El Scorcho
Say It Ain't So
We Are All on Drugs
Surf Wax
Beverly Hills
Hash Pipe
Photograph/Song 2 (Pat vocals, Blur cover)

Encore
Island in the Sun (Rivers solo back of the arena)
Undone (with some kid they picked out of the crowed to play the acoustic guitar, which he got to keep)
Buddy Holly

Foo Fighters - "This is the part where I get the talking out of the way and then I shove it up your ass for the next hour and twenty minutes!"- Dave Grohl. What can I say, as if Weezer didn't kick my ass with pure rock fury, Foo Fighters have made sure my ears will be sore for weeks. They are one of the tightest, loudest, dynamic bands I've ever seen live. Very high energy and when these guys detour on one of there tracks it's a fucking experience. Sometimes bands do this and it gets old and boring fast, never with the Foo's. After seeing them twice now, I don't think I've seen a better live band than them. And as a person who has rocked as hard as I have, I don't say that easily. But then again what do I know, I'm 50% retarded. Also, the light show, images, and screens used for this show were top notch. I usually don't care about that stuff but, that was some cool visual shit. That was worth every cent, infact I may owe those guys a few more bucks for that show. These double bill shows usually have a band you like and one that you think is ass, this kind of tour doesn't happen very often. In my fantasy land I'm rich and booking a flight for the next venue.

In Your Honor
All My Life
My Hero
Best Of You
Up In Arms
Learn To Fly
DOA
The One
Times Like These
Stacked Actors
This Is A Call
Cold Day In The Sun (seeing Dave behind the drum kit was special!)
Everlong

Encore:

Breakout
Monkeywrench

NOTE: since I'm so wacked out from the show the setlists may be off a bit, I'm sure the order is hosed and some tunes may be missing.

Shhhhhhhhhh, he's sleeping off the effects of the kryptonite from his battle with Braniac. Sleep well our little man of steel.
I just can't decided which one I hate more? There both responsible for some of the worst shit ever seen on screen. Can you blame them though, I mean you did buy the ticket! Any who check out what these two douche bags are up to next.



Wanna here the new System of a Down single? Didn't think so, head on over here for what you really want.

News and fun

Indiana Jones 4 news.

Okay. Imagine this. You’re Peter Jackson. You’ve directed the highly acclaimed Lord of the Rings trilogy, you’ve just finished King Kong. What do you do next? How about turning a videogame into a movie. What?

Come on. Enough.

So much stupid news out there today. Once again. Why is this news?

And guess who's still making music?

So, baseball playoffs are going on. Who do you think is going all of the way? New York? The White Sox? This guy?

UPDATE: Just Click Here/
To see bunnies re-enacting movies in 30 seconds. It's my favorite site of the day.

EQUALS

I just dropped a load in my pants, that fish wasn't so good lastnight and yes I'm super excited that the WB is finally releasing the Flash on DVD (January 10 2006) All 22 episodes and the pilot! This show was ten times better than the Batman movies that were out at the time. It was dark and the effects were sweet. Hopfully this thing sells well and encourages WB to green light David Goyers Flash movie with Ryan Renolds. Of course it won't, cause people would rather see Flightplan or Titanic. People love shit!

So, I found a pass to see Domino yesterday at my local cineaplex, a film that does not come out for another two weeks. Guess what that makes me hot shit, cause now your wondering "Armen, how was it? tell me if I should spend my hard stolen money on this pic?" Well first let me tell you, when you go to an advance screening nowadays you get frisked to make sure your not bringing any recording devices inside for pirating. So thanks pirates, now I got some fool searching my special area to see if I've got the ablity to boot leg. (jokes on them, I've gotta camera in my penis). Any who, Domino is a good film, not one I'd see over and over again but worth a viewing at a Dirt mall, matinee, or video rental. It's got Blacktino's, Mickey Rourke, Christopher Walken, two dudes from Beverliy Hills 90210, Dabney Coleman and Nun chucks!
Richard Kelly's script is good, funny and a well put together heist story. Tony Scott needs to slow down on his crack intake cause that ceasure style of cutting and shooting is hella distracting, much like the text I just used to describe it. Keira Knightley is good and proves she can look hot while kicking some ass. There's also some suprise apperances that come from out of nowhere and make the movie better for having them. Yep, you guessed right!Steve Perry from Journey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not! But wouldn't that movie with him in it break box office records?

Hunger pains

What are you hungry for?

So, Fiona Apple’s new album is streaming on myspace. Thoughts?

While you’re there, check out Moistboyz. My favorite Moistboyz track ever? “I’m gonna kick your ass”. It’s a lot funnier when you realize that this is Dean Ween's cock-rock side project.

As ARMEN has noted, Nicholas Cage has clearly lost his fucking mind and should cease and desist from ever procreating again. Yeah, I know, we already said this, but it's worth repeating.

President Bush has nominated some old hag to be a Justice on the Supreme Court. Click for my nominee.

Serenity Serenity Serenity Serenity Serenity Serenity Serenity Serenity!!!!



Think about this the next time you take a nice big bite of corn on the cobb.

Take care, kids.

Yep, I saw A History of Violence as well as Serenity this weekend. Found this at CBR News. Haven't really seen to much of Cronenbergs stuff, but this info may shed some light on how into is job he really is.

A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE

This one was so strange, we had to run it near the top. Faithful reader Hector Lima pointed out this tidbit over at Contact Music, so strange we can only quote it: "Eccentric film-maker David Cronenberg shocked his cast and crew on the set of new movie 'A History Of Violence,' by publicly performing sex scenes with his wife. The director hoped his explicit displays of affection with his wife would help stars Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello, who play man and wife in the film, feel more comfortable during their sex scenes together. But, instead, the Cronenbergs just left everyone on the set stunned ... Mortensen says, 'There's a couple of fairly racy sex scenes in the movie ... between Maria Bello and myself. David, trying to be helpful, as usual, thought it might be a good idea to call up his wife and have her come down to the set. The crew and Maria and I just sat and watched while he and his wife got into something comfortable -- nothing -- and they started to say, 'We want you to (do this).' Maria and I were both going, 'OK, we get it.' This is a testament to their relationship, they kept going and they kept going and then we broke for lunch and some time in the evening Maria and I got to have a crack at it. Instead of putting us at ease, we actually were kind of freaked out... Maybe some things ought to stay private.'"

Hot damn, I've just found the biggest geek there is! Being rich and a big star allows you to do pretty much whatever you want. Even giving your kid a sucky name that asures he'll be getting his tucas whooped on a daily basis.

Nic Cage, see you at comic con in two weeks.

That sound you are hearing.....

...is the anus of George Lucas being punctured by the massive narrative cock of Mr. Joss Whedon. I've seen the light of the Cinema Gods in the form of 'Serenity' and Lord it is good!

See it. Be it. Feel it.

Don't do it for box office, for glory or fame. Do it for freedom.

Saturday thing

The teletubby - cocaine ring connection.

So, if you have a lot of free time, do you:

1. Get a hobby?


2. Surf for porn?


3. Upload your favorite classic videogame theme songs?

The next time someone yells at you for surfing for porn, tell them that at least you’re not that lame.

The drummer from Nirvana is the front man/rhythm guitar player for a band. Why is that news? It's not the drummer you're thinking of. FINALLY. All of Nirvana’s drummers front bands.

Why Pitchfork is the most pretentious site ever:
“Amadou & Mariam: Dimanche à BamakoBlind husband-and-wife duo from Mali team with world music star Manu Chao to create a varied, bright, and charming album.”
FUCK YOU. Only at that site can you start a review like this. They're the type of people who can be given a CD with 1 track on it consisting entirely of the sound of someone breathing for 62 minutes and declare it fucking brilliant. “What? You don’t like ‘Breathing Aura Number 5’? You must be quite a dunce.” Because the measure of your intelligence is directly related to how few people know the bands you listen to.

Last thing, I believe you naughty people were told to see this movie. Have you seen it yet?