Wow, I would really like to see this. Cause the original was way to scary.

Oh, did I forget to mention this is opening today? Well incase I did.....

Okay, still my head is ringing from lastnights show. Next time I need earplugs for sure at Joe Louis. Other than Cedric of the Mars Volta being a bit of a douche to Detroit rock city, the System show was quite nice. All my peeps was there representing with the Armenian flag and some cards that everyone in a row was holding with a letter on each card that spelled out "my cock is much bigger than yours!" Oh, my people, such kidders. Two highlights of the show I'd like to touch on. first, the five security gaurds it took to barley keep out a rather large man who I called Gigantor and my cousin reffered to as the Blob, either way good choice of names.
Second, after system was wrapping up a cover of Dire Straights Sultans of Swing they stopped to have the crowd boo two gentlemen engaged in fistacuffs. Then another large man proped himself above the crowed with no shirt on. Darren than said "hey man nice tits!"
TITS! indeed my friends.

If it has more than two exclamation points, it's probably AWESOME!!!

Check out Hellbent the “first ever gay slasher film!!!”. They apparently never saw this movie, at least before making that claim. See if it's coming to a theatre near you.

Thankfully Fiona Apple has re-worked much of Extraordinary Machine from what was released online earlier. I love Fiona. I hated what was released. Now I’m excited to hear it.

Clap Your Hands, Shit your pants a favorite of webvomit are frickin’ skyrocketing. Evidence? Click on the CYHSYP link provided and read the story in ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE?!?! Didn’t they JUST change their name? And, on a side note, this is one of many bands of Webvomit's I’ve heard so much about, and yet a willfully ignore. I predict I’ll get into these bands eight months, a year or so after they’re such old news that people laugh at me for mentioning them.

This is actually not photoshopped at all. They had Chewbacca throw the first pitch at a Red Sox game this year.



UPDATE: What the fuck, people?

?????????????????????????????????

Don't forget Serenity 09-30-05

Well boys and girls and boys dressed as girls and girls dressed as Kaylee, the time is almost upon us. This Friday we take that old rust-bucket out of the shipyard and see if she can breach atmo. It's been a long (to paraphrase a band I like) strange trip, and it'll be nice finally to show everybody what it is we've been tinkering with all this time. You already know you have my thanks, from the hardcore fans to the softcore... fans.... let me try that again. From the people manning the booths, buying DVD sets for their friends, getting banners seen everywhere on Australian TV, raffling artwork for ticketholders (Adam Hughes, take a bow), to the most casual fan who just wants to see the flick and won't ever even read this. You guys are the fuel in the engine, the Fire in the Fly, the weird green stuff coming out of Serenity's butt. (Hmmm. Forget that last one. I'm a little bit out of control here.) Everyone needs something to keep them going. Mal has his ship. Zoe has her integrity. Jayne has Vera. And I've got you guys. So what now? There have been so many posts about seeing it, seeing it again, the first weekend, the second weekend, being enthusiastic without being obnoxious (and yes, it IS hard to see over the pom-pom of a Jayne hat), buying tickets in advance, making a noise... I honestly wouldn't know what to add. I can tell you this: the movie will play in about 2200 hundred theaters, which is a good number. Too many, and you get empty theaters with no energy -- not enough, and you get, well, not enough. It may be hard to find in some areas but it'll be out there. Leave no multiplex unturned! This is going to be a ground war, peeps -- we have to hold the valley for a long while. However it opens, it needs to HOLD. Instead of the Alliance we'll be fighting viewer apathy, fear of something new, the urge to wait for DVD, and Jessica Alba in a bikini. (Although I have it on good authority that she spends 90% of the film in a huge wooly parka. Make sure that gets out.) The day this puppy opens, I'll be seeing it with my family (don't worry, there's a lot of them, and they're all paying) and then I'm off to Europe to learn the word 'Browncoats' in nine different languages -- 'cause like I said, it's all about holding. I'll never be far from a computer, though, so I can check in with y'all. Thanks for every damn thing. And remember, amidst all the urgency to make this an event, all the work and the worry, to take two hours and just enjoy yourself. That is, after all, what all this fighting's about. -joss.

Hey, if somebodies gonna take the time to do a crumby cut and paste job I'm gonna post it.

More imortantly though, does anyone remember the crossover episode where this took place? I think it's the one where Kimberly fucks Knight Rider so Arnold and Willis can go for a ride in Kitt. The hijinx comes in when Arnold disconects Kitt's brain and runs the car right into B.A.'s van! That's right I remember now, the A-Team were in that episode to. They were trying to find Punky Brewster. What great television.

Affleck and Terri Schiavo

Not together, you sicko. She's dead. It would be illegal for their beautiful love to continue through to the "otherside" as the RHCP might say.
Man About Town is supposed to be coming out sometime this year, and I’m guessing it will be spectacular. Starring Ben Affleck, Gina Gershon, John Cleese (?), Jerry O’Connell, Rebecca Romijn and many more.
From IMDB:
Plot Outline: A top Hollywood talent agent (Affleck) finds his cushy existence threatened when he discovers that his wife is cheating on him and that his journal has been swiped by a reporter out to bring him down.
Awesome.
As you read the cast list, there are two names that I do a double take on.
John Cleese: (obviously hurting for money)
Kal Penn: Kumar from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. I know, he’s in some sucky ass films, but honestly, an Affleck? Did he need something to do while waiting to film Superman Returns?

On a complete side note, I think discussing church (and religion in general) at work is akin to discussing politics at work. Unless you’re completely comfortable with everyone in the room and know where they stand, keep yer yap shut.

Now eat your Schiavo pancakes. There are starving brain-dead kids in Africa who would kill for some.

Gin and grape juice...not such a great idea.

Just saying.

Ok, I admit the Bloodhound Gangs last effort was kinda lame. Now they have a new album out called Hefty Fine. Now I've just sampled it at myspace and although it's no One Fierce Beer Coaster, it's not bad. Have to give it a few more spins but I dug it right off the bat. Check out the video for Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo, it's just missing Erick Roberts otherwise it'd be perfect.

It's not that Detroit can't take a joke, it's the fact that this tool landed Sarah Silverman. That's what pisses an entire city off, Detroit wanted her first. That's right Kimmel we called dibs! See you at the Super Bowl sucka.

Fricken' Sweet

Read a funny ass interview with The Family Guy’s creator Seth McFarlane. And then go buy “The Family Guy Presents – Stewie the Untold Story”. Damn it.

Also, I have a friend who has a friend who FREAKIN’ DIRECTS some of the episodes of the Family Guy. He MySpaces here.

Saturday Good Times and Fortune Cookies

There are those in the world who make a living reviewing films. They get gobs of money and are treated as celebrities, basically for having an informed opinion on the film industry. And they get to see movies well in advance, they get perks like hotel rooms and star interviews and cocaine fueled orgies. I think. That last part I’m not so sure about. It’s safe to say that your average movie reviewer is wrong, in my opinion, about half of the time, thus rendering them completely useless. Yet people still get paid for this. Case in point: Border Blues.
Somehow I doubt that a movie starring Gary Busey, Eric Roberts AND Erik Estrada could possibly get a D+ Movie Rating by Yahoo Movies. Now, keep in mind that I’ve never seen this movie, but seriously, Erick2 plus Gary “Point Break” Busey MUST be at least ridiculously entertaining.
I think people don’t often review the movies that are so terrible that they’re hilarious. Some movies are awesomely terrible for their inspired casting, like The Girl Gets Moe which features Tony Danza as an Italian mobster king pin. Hilarious for that alone. Some are so terrible that no one goes to see them, like Gigli which was so horribly acted that you couldn’t help but laugh. The retard says “My penis sneezes and I say ‘God bless you penis’” for christs sakes. That’s just funny.
Don’t get me wrong. There are terrible, terrible movies out there. Dracula 3000 and Taxi for instance. You just don’t see the “It’s so bad it’s good.” review out there at all really. I’m lobbying for that one.

Enough ranting. Check out what Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years is doing. Like right now. Check it out because SCI-FI channel only does re-runs all of the time.

Feeling 1986 all over again...

Let me start by saying this:
The weekend is upon us. It’s the first weekend in fall, and as fall rolls on I want to remind you that although Pants Are STILL Optional, the colder out it gets the more you might want to keep the pantless thing more inside than out. Just worried about you folks. Don’t want anything freezing and breaking off.

A friend guided us to New Fraggle Rock Movie news. I can barely remember what they were about.

I’ve been on an Oregon Trail kick recently, and it got me nostalgic for old video games. I used to rock the C64 back in the day. Emulator and game info here. Follow the directions and start rockin’ old skool.

Head Cases is a TV series that just started. It stars Chris O’Donnell and Adam Goldberg as lawyers as oh I guess I don’t have to explain any of it because they’ve just been cancelled. Was it any good? Who cares?

The Libertines former singer/songwriters girlfriend admits she has a cocaine addiction. The rest of world says: “Well…yeah. Duh.”

(UPDATED: More SFW Kate Moss photo.)

Enjoy your weekend.

This dude, is busy! Comics, movies, tv shows, all he's gotta do now is get a radio show to dethrown Howard Stern. Who nobody probably cares about anyway.

You guessed it. Frank Stallone! Not only is he a famous actor but he's also a musician to boot. Catch him in your town.

Format this you ape-shit monkey humpers!

Behold! I got off my ass and bought a PC that was made in this century. Hopefully the text formats better than previous posts (it had better...I have to drink Five O' Clock gin instead of decent hooch for a while to get my $$$ back).

Sometimes a man needs to make decision between your inner geek and your outer cock..next Friday instead of unleashing my President of the A/V club and seeing Serenity 89 times I will be catching the Red Wings against the Maple Leafs. Fuck! Sometimes getting a pair hurts.

In other news if you see only one TV show this year (besides Deadwood and Arrested Development that is) see My Name Is Earl. Hillbilly-erfic!!!!

Pants were optional in Pioneer Times as well...

Two things you can do today:

1. Play Oregon Trail

2. Try not to be aroused by this:

What a relief, my concern over this situation and how it will affect what's happening in the world today can be put to rest. I'm sure this affected you as much as it did me so find the answer here and be put at ease.

With this issue resolved, maybe now we can move forward on a better tomorrow.

Hey, I couldn't find you at the BRMC show lastnight? What happened?

Oh, it was a school night....right, had to be in bed by 9.

That's a bummer man, guess you'll just have to read about it here Webvomit,

What's that? Uhhhh, yeah I've got something going on that night. I'd love to see John Tesh but.....
Wow and Yanni....right, yeah these plans are set in stone....yep for sure, next time I'm there!

Don't forget on September 30th Serenity comes out. Keep in mind that it is important that you see the shit out of this film, so more can be made. It lick's that there is no longer a weekly show to look forward to, at the very least a couple more films would be sweet.

I know what your thinking "The last three Star Wars were hella lame" and "the Chronicles of Ridick sucked my goats ass!" so you say to yourself "How can I ever trust another movie set in space?" Check out Firefly on dvd or on the sci-fi channel. Even if you don't like it go see it anyway, so the rest of us have something to look forward to. Just remember you've at least got your "must see tv".

UPDATE: Jerry O'Connell is engaged to Rebecca Romijn. "Hey, at least I'm not Scott Baio, right?".

Is Mariah Carey such a lush that she can't put down her drink in order to swim? Honestly, who am I to judge. I'm the same kind of lush.

More INFO-TAINTMENT

Corpse Bride comes out on Thursday. It’s been getting GREAT reviews. I’m excited to see it, but I have an idea of where Tim Burton might have gotten the idea. here.

My Name Is Earl premiered tonight. I really liked it. It’s kinda like Joe Dirt without David Spade and Kid Rock, but good. And Jamie Pressley is in both of them. Weird. Find one thing and do it well I guess.

Season premier of The Office tonight as well. I’d only seen the BBC version up until this point. I like that Steve Carell plays his character completely differently than Ricky Gervais.

Speaking of Ricky Gervais, his new show Extras starts this Sunday, September 25th. From the clips on the site, it looks like another winner.

The West Memphis 3 are still in jail. George Harrison is still dead and Pat Robertson is calling for assassinations. Just so we’re clear.

UPDATE: Bob Seger is putting out a new album in time for Christmas this year. Seriously. I have a little story for you boys and girls. Jill and I went to a Detroit Pistons game two years ago, and down the aisle about ten rows from us was one Mr. Bob Seger. Jill spotted him and asked him for an autograph for her dad who LOVES Bob Seger. Know what he said? “Bob Seger don’t sign autographs. But he does shake hands.” He stuck his hand out and Jill just looked at it, then grudgingly accepted it. She walked away an sniffed her hands. Guess what? It smelled like cotton candy. And semen. Yep folks, Bob Seger smells of cotton candy and semen.
FINE. I made up the part about cotton candy and semen. But the rest of that story is true. DOUCHE BAG!! Someone recognizes your crusty old ass at a Pistons game, fucking sign an autograph.

Translation: Tetsuo says, score mad ass on the dance floor with disco fever Hi-Energy.
Cauton may cause erectile dysfunction after 2 drinks!!

VS.

My Money's on Segal and afterwords all the wing dings he can eat!

PANTS ARE OPTIONAL UPDATE:
Segal has just taken down Hips McGee (pictured left), with a round house to the face!
Can Blondie Barbos (center, with butt touching the brunette) and Blackie "Potato Skins" Steinberg (right, supporting Barbos) hold there own? Stay posted for more updates!

Random Ramblings

The Detroit Lions got their one loss of the year out of the way. 15-1 the rest of the way. Oh. Wait no. That’ll be the number of interceptions vs. the number of touchdowns two week from now against the Bucs. (I might be optimistic about that one touchdown.)

ARMEN just bought a car. Click here to buy your own.

Nick Cave news (fourth story down).

The war in Iraq reminds me of something. Vietnam, sort of, but something else as well...

You should give ROME one chance if you get the HBO. You kinda need to start from the first episode. Also on HBO, TS/TV/TG Hookers.

Also, here’s a list of movies that I’ve seen so that you never have to see them:
Dracula 300 starring Coolio. Yes. Coolio is the star.
Taxi starring Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah. Is it possible for Fallon to fall farther?
Wicker Park never ever ever ever EVER see this movie.
Eurotrip some like it. And they’re idiots.
Jingle All the Way okay I only saw it in fast forward, but it looked terrible.
Blues Brothers 2000 I have no idea why Dan Akroyd needed to piss on John Belushi’s grave.


Good luck with the apocalypse…

You know its something special....


When you are on that first date and you look into their eyes and you just know that yes, yes they can be your
second victim for this moon cycle.

Maybe its the old romantic in me...I don't know. Gotta see if the torso is draining, don't forgot Yes, Dear
is all new this week.

Kick ASS!!!!!

See how logic is once again defied by those who worship a being of a higher power!
NO I'm not talking about the band Boston. Close enough though.

I know what you're thinking. You fucking LOVE Wonder Woman, and you want to incorporate that into Halloween somehow, but you're not sure how to do it tastefully.
Problem Solved.


Vince Neil broke his leg onstage at a Motley Crue concert. Probably because he saw this in the audience and he was too physically aroused to continue the show.

Sometimes I wonder why I wear pants at all. Join me for this week's round-up


1) I spent a 90 minute staff meeting where we talked about 'feelings'. I might have used the word SMURFS to
describe my co-workers but fuck it dudes, I can work the shit out of a Family Video.

2) Worked a Saturday where I had to wrangle kids for a shoot. If you are looking for an excuse to slam your cock
into a drawer or glue gun your hot box shut, ladies and gentlemen the last nine hours did it for me.

3) Went on location to three power stations. The volts in the air alone probably killed my sperm...wait thats a
good thing!


Now I may never find love...but I can buy a three pound block of cheese for four bucks. That is why we fight America
and here endth the lesson.

FRIDAY FUN!

For fans of Sigur Ros there’s a review of the new (?) album on the Rolling Stone web page. I’ve never quite got them, but I know people who are fans, and any friend of my friends is also a friend of mine.

Don’t forget that Liz Phair’s new album is due to arrive on October 4th. It’s her response to Stevie Wonders “Songs in the Key of Life”. I'm not joking.

Anyone checked out the HBO series Rome besides me? It’s historically fairly accurate, and it’s a masculine-ish soap opera. I’ve enjoyed it so far. Beware though, Six Feet Under it is not.

Who’s checking out what new shows this season? Rome is about the only one I’ve gotten into so far.

I have a feeling that all the little toads who dress up as this pud-puller for Halloween are going to be just like the folks who used to dress up as these pud-pullers.

I am excited about Halloween coming up. Is this the last weekend in summer? I can never remember.

WTF?

UPDATE: I previously listed "Rome" as "Empire". I take full responsibility for it and I expect FEMA to clean up my mess. Thank you drive through.

Here's an excellent observation of the movie making industry by Neil Gaiman.

"Hollywood executives really love the smell of their own urine," Gaiman said, "and what they really like doing is urinating on things. And then going, 'Hmm, now this smells really good' and being really puzzled when the rest of the world goes 'No, actually it smells like pee.'"

Mirror Mask comes out at the end of the month. Read the rest of the interview here.

the feel good hit of the fall. If this is anything at all like the graphic novel, expect some filthy, nasty stuff for your viewing pleasure.

Is this house hold pet the answer to the worlds dependence on oil?

Pic's from a party at my house last weekend. I'm the guy in the black mask!

Sarah Silverman is amazing.

Watch a trailer for her movie Jesus Is Magic.
Hilarious.

I know the following to be true:

CLUTCH is the best band you never heard of. And if you recall them from 1991-1995 and recoil in horror, check out the new album and be amazed. Don't be so skeptical. Ass.


I am drunk right now.

System of a Downare the most underrated "overrated" band.

The Eels are the 90's band you should have gotten into but didn't.

The Pixies are the 80's band you should have gotten into but didn't. If you've ever thought to yourself "Hey, where did Nirvana get all of that goodness?" just check out the Pixies.

alt-country bores me.

and, finally...

Tommy Stinson put out the best post "Guns n' Roses" album this year. Fuck THESE GUYS.

This may or may not be deleted Thursday morning.

Math is Fun!

47 - Days until Halloween. click for my costume
42 - Number of NEW EPISODES Trey Parker and Matt Stone signed up to do of "South Park" (Here's hoping for more from Mr. Slave)
$20,000,000 - The amount that "Jersey Girl" outperformed "Gigli" at the box office. So people can shut up about Clerks 2. If Kevin Smith can get Ben Affleck to out-act Ben Affleck, well then everythings going to be allright, now isn't it.
2 - Number of shits i don't give about The New Spin Doctors Album
3 - Number of ISP's we're currently paying for. "But I LOVE my AOL and MSN e-mail addresses!". groan.





Anyone else have any fun numbers?

Wait, was Ang Lee trying to suggest that the Hulk was gay???

You've just been LAMASED! Listen to Snake Eater kids, so you can be sexy just like him.

I'm personally excited about the idea of covering myself in a fragrance called "Cumming".
See all of the cumming glory

UPDATE: The question has been raised, and I think it's valid, about when we'll see a facial cream from Alan Cumming. Hopefully soon. Hopefully named "Moneyshot" or "Cumming All Over Your Face Like the Whore That You Are".

Spider-Man is supposed to help people, not break up long time collaberations. Guess DannyElfman will be asking me if I want lemon in my water pretty soon.

Click here to find out who the two villians are in Spider-Man 3! Is it Venom? Electro? the Vulture?

Can someone tell me where I can get this bronzed into a statue for my buddies front yard as a christmas gift?

If you've never seen this before you may want to take a look.
The more you know about Ninjas, the better off you'll be. Oh, make
sure you hit NO at some point. These guys are serious!

This movie looks so good. At least according to this sweet-ass poster.

By the way, i think all children should be kept in 3x3 cages.

CNN

Hey check it out a trailer for the next Atom Egoyan flick! Seems he's having trouble with the MPAA. Something about to much sex and nudity? Hopefully more full frontal Bacon!

Don't know about you but I like my Hauer with shorter hair.

Really, Comcast sucks? No competition + Deregulation since 1996 = Shitty service.

This is a test of this website, repeat this is just a test.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!