This is Inane

If there was just some way to turn an iPod into a sex toy... Yep. iSex, kids. If you buy this for your lady, be sure to accessorize.

Just RELAX and get the greatest hits from one of the greatest bands in the world.

This man gets more ass than I will in my whole life. And rightfully so.

Okay, lets do the damn thing. In 9 days we will be giving thanks to the Native Americans for making the biggest mistake in history. (click here for the 2nd biggest mistake in history and here for the 3rd)
A lot of people I know are much bigger fans of Christmas based entirely on the selfish need for gifts. It affirms in our mind that we are as good as WE THINK we are. And therefore are deserving of all of this good-will windfall. We forget all of the time we spent finding and paying for all the gifts for the people we either don’t like or really don’t care about in hopes that they are getting you an equally good gift. (BTW, thanks mom and dad for making me pay for half of my Sega Genesis. I am now sufficiently jaded).
In all of this clamor, hubbub, hoo-schnikety and the like, there are the assholes like Bill O'Reilly screaming about how people are trying to destroy Christmas. And people who yell about how we lose sight of the true meaning of CHRISTmas.
All of this is why I much prefer celebrating the first steps of genocide. The food is good, there’s football on TV, and there’s absolutely no religious bullshit involved. Yet. They’ll sneak it in there somehow I’m sure. It’s a day that allows you to put off buying Madonna’s new album for your sister for Christmas and just eat some damn food.

Note: I am now stepping down off of my soapbox for the day. In my place there will be a mechanical monkey clapping cymbals. Enjoy.

tip: Ladies, save this image to your desktop for use when your iPod vibrator arrives.